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Popular electoral prediction site FiveThirtyEight.com has wasted no time since the end of the 2008 election in issuing predictions for the next several cycles. FiveThirtyEight’s founder, Nate Silver, says that he predicts with 97.2% confidence that, in 2020, Anti-Federalist candidate Bill Warkinson will win every state but Guam and West Dakota. Looking for some way to spice up my life, I figured I should adopt a new pet. After all, even with two dogs, a cat, and a gecko, you can always make room for one more! So I went down to the local back-alley pet store to see what they had in stock. I figured I should get something different to change things up a bit, so I opted to see what birds were available. To my dismay, almost all of the birds had recently mysteriously vanished while the Leopard was looking a bit heftier than usual. So my options limited, I purchased the only one able to successfully disguise itself in the massacre: a penguin. cheeze dog in my tummy
Yesterday was a fast news day in politics. Barack Obama had been busy, making stirring speeches, kissing babies, and symbolizing hope, happiness, and unconditional love. Mike Doyle of CNN woke up late, called off work, and logged on to MSNBC to see a plethora of stories about America’s favorite Hussein. “That’s odd,” Doyle thought. “These are all stories with a positive spin. And there’s a disproportionate amount of them for how many supporters he has.” Doyle then read through MSNBC’s entire Politics page with only a ten-minute break to Google Image Search “throatfuck”. “Huh,” he said, clicking back to his first tab. “I think there’s a story here.” |
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