Clunkline at Two: A Retrospective

Since Clunkline has just entered its new glorious auspicious second phase of righteous harmony, known to non-party-members as Clunkline 2.0, we as the Clunkline staff feel it’s necessary at this juncture to issue a review of the past two years of Clunkline history.

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How to Use Clunkline: The New Version

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The Dueling Comic Satires of Epiglottis and Priapus

The Potty Pyramid of Djoser, where the extant copies were found. At the time of its construction, it was the tallest building in the world.

In Ancient Greece, few dramas were more tense than this exchange of sharp words and swords between a pair of rival playwrights. Their story remained lost to history until the relevant documents were plumbed out of the depths of an Egyptian portopotty. It is supposed that they were deposited there after being discarded when an Achaemenid used them as first reading material, and then toilet paper.

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ClunkMD: Chronic MMO

Chronic MMO: Topic Overview

Chronic MMO is a degenerative disease that frequently affects students and computer users in general. It can progress into stages that can result in incredibly unsanitary practices and eventually in a state of apparent death to the rest of the world.

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Nom de Pomme’s Guide to Song Meanings

Yes, my dear loyal audience, it is nom de pomme, back from his tour of Scandinavia, the low countries, southern Austria, and eastern Australia with a new edition of Guide for your listening (read: reading) pleasure. In this edition, we look at the elusive meanings to some of the world’s most enigmatic and popular songs.

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a VINCENT Q. BROWN FILM/ television reel
starring by /written by/ actor(s) / director(s() / gaffers(s)/ /producered by(s) : VINCENT BROWN
something no one worked on but VINCENT Q. BROWN himself…

pilot episode season 3 finale

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If I Did It: the Shocking Story of How I Killed O.J.’s Wife and Friend

In late 2006, a money grubbing O.J. Simpson published a book entitled If I Did It, a totally hypothetical discussion of how O.J. would have killed his wife and Ronald Goldman. This book caused a firestorm of bad press and was tragically recalled before it reached stores. In O.J.’s memory, I wrote a tribute to him entitled If I Did It, a discussion of how I would have killed those two people. This book was also killed before reaching the shelves, but that might have had more to do with my poor penmanship and general aversion to personal hygiene. But seeing as O.J. is about to go to prison for the next ten years, I though it an appropriate time to pimp my forgotten masterpiece.

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Dougie Howser, P.o.S.

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t save your husband.

Few television shows directly cause domestic abuse. It is rare to find one that actually forces anyone to clock the nearest person in a fit of pure rage. But there is some evidence that television does cause violence.

In the course of researching this article, my roommate was hospitalized for more wounds than I can count. He was suffering from a fractured collarbone, a split pelvis, a dislocated bladder, and an extra spinal cord. (For the life of me I can’t remember where I got that extra spinal cord.) And then he made the mistake to have Dougie Howser on when I came to visit his ward. God rest his soul… but I believe my point was, Dougie Howser makes you want to kill.

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High Drama According to Koji: Part II

Some time ago, I wrote of a fellow named Koji who was (past tense) in my screenwriting class for a while. I am posting his first, best work as a tribute to the great writer that once was.

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Million-Person Rally Expected in Chicago

A victory rally of unprecedented size is planned for Chicago on the night of the 4th. Lake County, Indiana is bracing its fortifications in the event that Obama loses, and the crowd turns into an army.

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[Script/Director Proposal]: <i>Troopergate</i>

The following is a formal director’s proposal I made to the theater group to which I belong. Important backstory: A Few Good Men, by Aaron Sorkin, was also proposed for this slot.

Troopergate is a contemporary legal drama by Stephen Branchflower. Based on true events in his own life, it chronicles Branchflower’s attempts to dig to the bottom of a mess of personal vendettas and political conspiracies surrounding the firing of an Alaska State department head by the Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin.

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High Drama According to Koji: Part I

nervestaple and I are taking a screenwriting class with a writer on par with Vincent Brown (search that name on this website if you dare). English isn’t his first language, but that’s no excuse for him failing to pick up on the formatting, failing to use the present tense, failing to not have his characters speak their exposition, or failing to not be racist.

Important backstory: the black guy (“Blake”) was the part I was asked to read for. Our teacher is black. Koji is … not. Neither am I. It was the best thing ever.

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Unlikely Success Stories

A short while ago, on a whim, I taught myself to play the accordion. I had a hunch that somehow, knowing this instrument would open doors for me, if I wanted to do comedy. (No idea where I got a crazy idea like that.)

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Guy with actual English accent makes whole Shakespeare class feel worthless

“Can I have a pair of volunteers to read this scene between Helena and Demetrius?” asked Prof. Thornton of his class. “Okay, Nigel… anyone else? Anyone?”

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StudKickass: A Webcomic for the Ages

I am an expert on terrible webcomics.

About half our ads are for webcomics so abysmal, they make Minimum Security look like Calvin and Hobbes. I always browse through our Project Wonderful advertisers’ sites to see if I find any gems, which are exceptionally rare (see also: Grade D but Edible, Buttersafe). I’ve only found two webcomics I’ve really enjoyed among dozens that have bought our advertising. That says a lot about how many people simply do not belong in that business. Some of these unremarkable strips are solidly “pretty good”, but their potential is wasted by either a bad partnership or a lack of a badly-needed partnership; some are just in all ways conventional, been-done, and uninteresting. There is nothing memorable to distinguish 97% of all webcomics. Trust me: StudKickass is different. StudKickass is one of the most memorable strips I’ve ever seen… but I do not wish this experience even on my worst enemies.

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