Amid calls for the repair of the now nearly 5,000 year old civilization system, the government’s Civilization Utilities and Natural Technologies (CUNiT) department will suspend civilization for five hours of repairs this weekend.
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Cellphones have revolutionized our lives. They’ve made instantaneous voice contact to anyone else in the world with a similar device and near some semblance of civilization possible. They’ve partially invalidated expensive and complicated wired infrastructure. They’ve even allowed us to ignore any situation by talking to someone who isn’t even there rather than being active participants in our own lives. However, as with any technology sprung so quickly on the public, some people just don’t do it right. Holding one’s cellphone in a logical way has become a very confusing task indeed to some folks. The campaign sign industry has seen unprecedented growth over the past four months, say spokespeople of the “Big Three” campaign sign manufacturers. “It’s just inexplicable,” said Derrick Wasser, a representative of Unlimited Yard Signs Ltd. “We’ve never seen anything like it in the three-year history of our business. The Parkway inbound was clogged with traffic and construction, and I was sure I was going to be late—again. Seeking escape, I heaved a sigh of resignation and turned on the radio. My ears were soothed by the dulcet tones of President Gore, making his weekly radio address. And as he spoke about the problems America faced, I found myself thinking: Thank God we have Condorcet voting in this country. I’ve just thought of a very frightening reason the potential for a McCain presidency is so dangerous. John McCain is really old. He’s 71. Most people don’t even make it that far before cancer whisks them down under a big bunch of dirt. That has led people to conclude that it’s important when looking at McCain to also look at who he chooses as a running mate. The running mate is likely to at least get a good year or so in for the presidency if McCain is elected, ’cause he’ll die. Now comes the scary part. They say the car you drive says a lot about you. I agree with that, personally, so long as it’s the car you choose to drive. For example, my ideal car is a Honda Civic, Toyota Corolla, or Volkswagen Rabbit with a stick-shift and as few power options as possible. That’s because I like incredible gas mileage, absolute control, and as few things as possible to break. On the other end of the spectrum, most people who drive Hummer H2‘s and GMC Yukon XL‘s are raving idiots. But what of people who have no personality at all? Worry not! There are cars for fantastically boring people as well!
The one on the left. I guess majorities of Democratic voters in Texas and Ohio really feel comfortable with having had the same two families in control of the White House since 1988. ‘Cause that’s the way you stop the sequence of events that’s sent our culture, economy, and morale as a nation to hell, by voting for more of the same! Idiots. And I fear our fair state of Pennsylvania will end up doing the same. |
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