A victory rally of unprecedented size is planned for Chicago on the night of the 4th. Lake County, Indiana is bracing its fortifications in the event that Obama loses, and the crowd turns into an army.
A compiled list of various write-in candidates from the 2006 CMU student senate elections. It amuses me, who knows, maybe you’ll come away feeling good about the world too.
Student Body President:
BERTOLT BRECHT 1 0.08%
NO MORE EMO BANDS AT CARNIVAL 1 0.08%
Student Body VP of finance:
EMPEROR OF CMU STUDENT BODY 1 0.10%
BOTH CANDIDATES WRITE LIKE HIGH SCHOOLERS 1 0.10%
OPTIMUS PRINE 1 0.10%
With the election just a week away, Chris Dodd, who has always been his party’s nominee, is down by 9 points in the polls. His rival, Duncan Hunter, who you may remember from when he won his party’s nomination over John McCain, has even surpassed the 50 point mark.
Early voting in Nevada has already seen the influence of terrifying Democratic para-electoral groups like Acorn. The shady organization registered dozens of fake voters under the names of Disney characters, in a well-orchestrated plan to execute voter fraud. Unfortunately, says Nevada Board of Elections official Jason Horowitz, many of them have already slipped through the cracks.
Ha ha, that title tricked you into reading something boring.
In the interests of full disclosure: this article is not about Anus McKringle, so you can stop now if you don’t care about politics.
You know the feeling you get while watching Lord of the Rings… In the middle of the trilogy, you don’t expect it to ever really end. On an intellectual level, you know it will, and you may have even seen it before or have read the books and know how it does, but it goes on for so long, and it drags you down into such a feeling of futility and hopelessness, that you never really believe it will? It just feels like Frodo will always be walking towards Mordor.
Likewise, to me, it feels like Bush will always be a lame duck, and Obama will asymptotically approach the presidency, but never actually attain it.
On Sunday, Colin Powell, fated to be the second black President, endorsed Barack Obama, ensuring he will become the first. “McCain has been kind of a dick lately,” said Powell in his announcement. “If he didn’t pal around with Steve Schmidt, we’d be having a different conversation today. I was kind of hoping to be the first myself, but… but Sarah Palin? Really?”
Pool reporters were stunned Thursday when Mitt Romney greeted them on the campaign plane with his trademark grin—instead of Sarah Palin, whom the reporters were fairly sure had been the Republican Vice Presidential Nominee. Romney, attempting a Bluff check, smiled away most doubts that he had always been McCain’s VP.
The following is a formal director’s proposal I made to the theater group to which I belong. Important backstory: A Few Good Men, by Aaron Sorkin, was also proposed for this slot.
Troopergate is a contemporary legal drama by Stephen Branchflower. Based on true events in his own life, it chronicles Branchflower’s attempts to dig to the bottom of a mess of personal vendettas and political conspiracies surrounding the firing of an Alaska State department head by the Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin.
A new Obama campaign ad opens with footage of the Vietnam War. The narrator intones, “Many people opposed America’s activities in Vietnam, but few hated freedom so much that they were willing to betray their country.”
In an FEC-sanctioned contest, Barack Obama (D-IL) and Sarah Palin (R-AK) will square off in a one-on-one basketball match to determine the winner of this tossup state. The measure is already being praised as “more fair than the Electoral College” by commentators hoping it is a standard soon to be used nationwide.