Clunkipedia: Groaty Dick.

Groaty Dick.

According to Wikipedia, Groaty Dick “. . .is a traditional dish from the Black Country in England.” 300 This means that it qualifies as “soul food,” which may come as a surprise to some. Groaty dick is made from “. . .groats, beef, leeks, onions, and beef stock [and a bunch of other shit].” π

Groaty Dick is most commonly found in Tanzmetall’s pants.YEP Generally modern scientists believe that the dick in Tanzmetall’s pants got so groaty from his habit of putting it in toothless hookers. However, a recent study indicates that it may also be the result of having sex with mountains of dromedary feces. EW

300. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
π. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
YEP. I looked there. It’s pretty groaty.
EW. Harris, Krautbaumer, et al. “Making Connections: A study of Tanzmetall’s genitalia and dromedary excreta in sexual contexts.” American Journal of Things More Important than Cancer and Aids. Vol. 4 Issue 13, 24-41.

Chronicles of the Abbey St. Michaels: Correspondence of the Old Welsh Army in the English Campaign

Preface by the Abbot Anslwyth in the time of King Henry VII:
These scripts, having been found on the old battlefield by a local farmer wound inside a glass spirits bottle, represent a great communication of our historic Royal Army from the time of the last offensive against the crown of England. Herein lie the last independent leaders of Gwynedd, and possibly insight into their demise. They are studiously replicated in the librarium of the Abbey by Brother Angloham.

July 14th, 1376
From: The camp of Lieutenant Llywelyn Fawr
To: His Lordship Owain Glyndŵr, Prince Of Gwynedd
Subj: For Gwynedd!!!

Read the full article

The Navy: A Farce by Nom de Pomme

We meet our heroes, Lord Sir Joseph St. John MacJasper KGC, Captain RN of the HMS Unbelieveblydifficulttosinknoreally ( we don’t see the name till the boat pulls out later, it is written in a wide arc above the aft windows), and Midshipman Louis C. B. Smith Jonesington as they enter the aforementioned ship via a gang plank flanked by Marines.

Read the full article

Nom de Pomme’s Guide to Song Meanings

Yes, my dear loyal audience, it is nom de pomme, back from his tour of Scandinavia, the low countries, southern Austria, and eastern Australia with a new edition of Guide for your listening (read: reading) pleasure. In this edition, we look at the elusive meanings to some of the world’s most enigmatic and popular songs.

Read the full article

Swing State Profiles: New Hampshire

Why A Swinger?
Politics are a touchy subject in New Hampshire. Many people want either a candidate that will pay more attention to New England or one that will stop the terrible war with Vermont separatists which has already lasted some eighteen long years.

Read the full article

War in Georgia Escalates

President Bush decried England’s aggression when English tanks rolled across the border into their former colony. “The United States is a sovereign nation,” he sputtered. “I demand that England immediately withdraw her forces from Georgian territory, and that her artillery stop shelling Atlanta.”

Read the full article

How To Be A Music Snob

I like putting down other people’s music. It’s a little hobby of mine, right up there with killing homeless people for sport. People sometimes ask me “Dude, could you stop being such a bitch?” which I assume means “Dude, how can I become as well-versed and musically cultured as you are?” Fact is, one cannot simply turn up one’s nose at any band that more than twelve people have heard of and call it a day. It took me years to master the subtleties and nuances in order to reach the level of elitism that I now enjoy.

Read the full article

Safe State Profile: South Carolina

Affiliation: McCain


South Carolina exhibits all the splendor of an Ante Bellum plantation, complete with super racism power. Seriously, don’t go there unless you are white and a protestant. Somehow I lived there and got out alive as a Catholic.

Read the full article

Who is this bitch on everyone's coins?

So… I have a little coffee can full of coins from every corner of the Earth (truly a feat because the Earth is indeed spherical), and I’ve noticed an alarming trend.

Tell me what you think coins from these countries/territories might have in common:

East Caribbean States
Hong Kong (Pre-China return)

Read the full article

Gregory, Man-Thong of Mystery

Meet Gregory.

Gregory turned up in my dryer recently. I only know one Gregory, and he’s been in England for six months, so, either someone was washing his man-thong for him, or one of my housemates stole the man-thong, or the man-thong’s name is Gregory. I have concluded that it is the latter.

Read the full article


Dude, the Okrug is in serious danger! PROTECT THE OKRUG!


Three glorious infantry dudes today have defended our vital snow reserves in the Evenki Nat’l Okrug.

Read the full article

An open letter to Europe from the desk of R. Herman Fluter

Dear Europe,

Howdy you pansy ass bunch of sissies!

Read the full article



Pretty simple right?

Read the full article