Fesus Christ

Mar. 29, 2010, 14:57 by Burpen, Tanzmetall

As the result of an alleged miracle, the likeness of Jesus Christ has been found in a pile of dog feces in the heart of the Vatican.

Read the full article →

Twitter Launches Sister Site, “Shitter”

Mar. 26, 2010, 1:44 by Burpen, Tanzmetall, Grabass_Champion

Twitter’s new side project, Shitter.com, recently went live. The new site was aimed for the “likes to microblog about pooping” demographic of Twitter users.

In a press release last Thursday, Twitter said Shitter “would be lucky” if “even two or three” users sign up over the next year.

Shitter has already secured advertising bids from Fiber One, Ex-Lax, and Pepto-Bismol.

Read the full article →

Clunkipedia: Groaty Dick.

Jan. 23, 2010, 18:13 by Grabass_Champion

Groaty Dick.

According to Wikipedia, Groaty Dick “. . .is a traditional dish from the Black Country in England.” ³⁰⁰ This means that it qualifies as “soul food,” which may come as a surprise to some. Groaty dick is made from “. . .groats, beef, leeks, onions, and beef stock [and a bunch of other shit].” ^π

Groaty Dick is most commonly found in Tanzmetall’s pants.^YEP Generally modern scientists believe that the dick in Tanzmetall’s pants got so groaty from his habit of putting it in toothless hookers. However, a recent study indicates that it may also be the result of having sex with mountains of dromedary feces. ^EW

300. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
π. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
YEP. I looked there. It’s pretty groaty.
EW. Harris, Krautbaumer, et al. “Making Connections: A study of Tanzmetall’s genitalia and dromedary excreta in sexual contexts.” American Journal of Things More Important than Cancer and Aids. Vol. 4 Issue 13, 24-41.

Why I Never Get Madlibs for Christmas Anymore

Dec. 26, 2009, 0:57 by Tanzmetall

Twas the night before I IMPREGNATED YOUR MOM, and all through the BUTT,

Not a POOP was BARFING, not even a SCROTUM.

Read the full article →

The Dueling Comic Satires of Epiglottis and Priapus

Aug. 16, 2009, 5:22 by Tanzmetall

The Potty Pyramid of Djoser, where the extant copies were found. At the time of its construction, it was the tallest building in the world.

In Ancient Greece, few dramas were more tense than this exchange of sharp words and swords between a pair of rival playwrights. Their story remained lost to history until the relevant documents were plumbed out of the depths of an Egyptian portopotty. It is supposed that they were deposited there after being discarded when an Achaemenid used them as first reading material, and then toilet paper.

Read the full article →

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Black Feral Sheep Riot on The Big Flat Rock as White Feral Sheep Secede from Redonda

Feb. 26, 2008, 20:15 by nom de pomme

It’s a baaaaaad time.

The uninhabited (by humans) island of Redonda in the Caribbean Sea is undergoing the most significant political action in the history of the native feral sheep population, The Group.

Read the full article →

Why Metallica’s One is Aptly Titled

Feb. 7, 2008, 7:23 by Burpen

Because it’s the one and only Metallica song worth listening to.

Before Metallica “sold out” (why did someone buy their crap anyway?) they must have somehow accidentally recorded this gem. “Gem” in the same sense that you might find a quarter in a mound of feces. By this I mean the rest of their music blows.