This I fear may be my last transmission before I run out of life giving forum posts. It has been so long since life was last felt here, and I do not know why I have been given this torture of living alone like this.
|
||||
 Why A Swinger? Pennsylvania is half enlightened East Coast state and half Rust Belt / Appalachia hellhole. Clunkline, located over the second ‘h’ in “Hellhole”, has a unique perspective on this phenomenon. Depending on how many ignorant people the Republicans can motivate with their fear of Terror, fear of God, and fear of those who look different, Pennsylvanian elections are won or lost.
About a week or two ago, Clunkline went on an adventure to Breezewood, the magical town of motels that is halfway to everywhere. If materialism took a shit and a highway rest stop rolled in it, you would call it Breezewood. All three of us were excited to have finally arrived at our historic destination, and doctor_subtle’s camera was there to document the entire weeklong vacation. I wish my computer would get it. That little music-note on a CD icon starts bouncing and I know what it wants. “A new version of iTunes is available. We’ll have another one in 10 minutes. Do you want to update now?” No. I hate updating. It interrupts important things that I do like looking at porn, refreshing the Forums index to see if anyone has said anything in the last 15 minutes, and re-reading old webcomics. If I actually updated everything exactly when everything wanted me to update it, I’d spend all my time updating and none of my time doing anything else, like eating, pooping, sleeping, and throwing goats at people at the carnival (it’s not funny ’till you picture it.) Josh “Livestock” Boruff is responsible in large part for my addiction to my (other) favorite comedy website, SomethingAwful. He sidecoaches the Photoshop Phriday feature, which is undoubtedly the great big emerald in the pile of SA’s crown jewels. Months ago he agreed to an interview. Today, I tracked him down and held him at Internet-gunpoint until he answered my questions. The rest, as they say, is history. Actually, it’s going to be more about how it’s “like learning French from the Internet at large.” But that wasn’t nearly good enough to be title material. So… Recently I’ve been on a useless computer-fucking-around kick, which inevitably means that I’ve been (as I have on and off [but more off] for years) dabbling in the shark, piranha, and frustration-infested waters of Linux. Let me start off by saying that Linux is a great operating system the minute you trick it into doing exactly what you want it to do. Let me also say that Linux is an awful operating system for your blood pressure, your patience, and your level of alcohol consumption while you’re still trying to trick it into doing what you want it to do. To explain my frustrations with this operating system, I will now create a very weak but possibly humorous analogy between learning Linux and learning the French language, in which I analyze trying to learn the foreign language the way I learned Linux. The front-runner in the Democratic primary race, Barack H. Obama is certainly seen by many as a capable future leader and a respectable candidate, especially compared to his competitors Hillary Clinton and John McCain. However, recently on an interview for “Hardball” Obama admitted that he didn’t watch cable news. We wanted to give people a reason to come back more than once a day to see if we had updated the Front Page. The forums make the site dynamic. Also, lots of people were asking for them, and at the junction of “ask and you shall receive” and “if you erect it, they will come” were the Forums. If you liked or loathed an article, come here to give us feedback. If you saw a weird news story, come here to post it. If you pooped on a world leader and took pictures, post your story. That’s what these are for. –Tanzmetall I have killed him. I caught Tanzmetall(1) as he crossed the worldline threshold. I came back here just to tell you this, but I will be leaving now. You won’t hear from me again. I did what I came here to do. The Clunkline update that destroyed my worldline has been erased from this worldline forever. You may enjoy peace in your time. To report a broken link or other things relating to website structure, email burpen@clunkline.com. Contact tanzmetall@clunkline.com with any comments about content. Also use this contact to request the email address of a specific contributor, or to apply to become a contributor. Alternatively, you can use the Forums to let us know what you think about the site, our articles, or our mothers. P.S. Please don’t report that Jesus Christ is broken. Christianity has always failed. Tell us something we don’t know. Who is responsible for the content? Bobby Gurbleby works for my company and he wrote an article about how I’m an idiot. I take offense at this because I am, in fact, an idiot. Can I fire him? I will never officially distinguish what it was that I added from what it was that was already there in the writer’s draft, and if I hint at anything otherwise anywhere else, tough—this is the official word on Clunkline authorship. Because I mess around with what they write here, you cannot hold a writer accountable for what you read—you must hold me accountable. If anyone other than me gets fired over anything on this site I will start a shitstorm. Further, no writer is responsible for what the others write. Don’t fuck with my writers. And to our readers: the views expressed on this website don’t reflect the views of our writers families, employers, friends, or gerbils. (They might not even literally reflect the views of the writer.) Nothing here is meant to be taken too seriously. This link is in plain view on the Front Page, so consider it a license agreement. I give you no guarantee of entertainment; I do give my writers a guarantee of freedom from censorship. If you don’t like that, leave. If you like that, you’re awesome. I made Clunkline to be a haven for writers, and I do not want them to forget that. I want them to write about whatever the hell they want, and I also want the other writers to want them to write about whatever the hell they want. –Tanzmetall |
Entries feed:
Comments feed:
|
|||
Copyright © 2012 Clunkline - All Rights Reserved Powered by WordPress & the Atahualpa Theme by BytesForAll. Discuss on our WP Forum 190 queries. 0.486 seconds. View in: Mobile | Standard
|
||||
