Funny Little Cult

This town I happen to be stuck in for a year has one odd ritual. Every February second a spell is cast over the town and all those who come in contact with it. This spell is sometimes strong enough to drag the weak of mind out of their beds at two o’clock in the morning and stand in the cold while cult leaders, wearing black suits and top hats, dance around a fiberglass log.

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Groundhog Day Sucks

What part of this doesn’t look incredibly boring?

Lots of holidays are retarded. Groundhog Day is the worst.

I don’t just hate it because it’s superstitious. Plenty of holidays are superstitious and founded on baseless idiocy. Halloween, Christmas, Easter… But I don’t hate those as much as I hate Groundhog Day, because Groundhog Day is superstitious and boring. All the evil spirits of hell coming to the earth to haunt and torture humans—interesting and awesome. Big guy in red has an unsustainable business plan—interesting and unrealistically generous. Guy gets nailed to a cross and poked with a spear for being abnormally nice—gruesome, but interesting. Groundhog Day is none of those.

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