This was made many moons ago (when we were both in high school).
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Waaaaaaaaaaaaay back when I was a youngster in high school with a brand new previously owned computer and 54k access to the internet whenever nobody else was on the phone line, I was just emerging as a photoshop master. I knew I could shoop anyone anywhere, so why not? I scoured the internet for quite a few minutes before arriving at what I decided was the perfect subject: Link from the Legend of Zelda. Plus there were new screenshots from his upcoming game – The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess – that looked much more realistic than those blocky figures from the N64 games. With my masterful skills, I carefully crafted a series of him in various locales. I present the finished product here, many years later, to show just how awesome I was, even when just started. And so, without further ado, Link’s Vacation! I think of my phone like I think of my toilet. Once every three years, I peer into its darkest, most mold-encrusted corners and briefly contemplate cleaning it. I scrape off two layers of caked shit-dust and gag. Then I give up. Also, I rub my face against it, but that is a story for another day.
So one might criticize my reaction to that initial night of sexile, since the blue scrunchie maneuver was something I might have given Peter reason to think was okay. (I hope to god Peter didn’t show that Chinese girl his “blue scrunchie maneuver” if you know what I mean, because what I mean is some kind of sex act). A compiled list of various write-in candidates from the 2006 CMU student senate elections. It amuses me, who knows, maybe you’ll come away feeling good about the world too. Student Body President: Student Body VP of finance: Tanzmetall (the obvious emperor of Clunkline), Grabass Champion, and myself have written and often times still write music. I’m not really sure about the other two, but my composition writing has evolved out of clicking in a bunch of notes in Sibelius 2.0 and simply saving them as midis. Yes, I now have two really nice keyboards, which I use to play out most of the tracks in my songs, a friend who is quite eloquent on the guitar, and the means to get live recordings of just about any wind instrument I can think of within reason. Recently, I’ve written a new strain of songs for a would-be soundtrack to a graphic novel I am writing and hope to publish someday, and the thought occurred to me that one of Tanzmetall’s original compositions from back in the day would make a splendid theme for one of the villains (a continent-sized magma serpent that dwells under the Earth’s mantle). That song is called FLIGHT FROM EMSARIA, and though everything we write today is vastly superior in almost every way to what we used to write while we were in high school, nothing has ever struck a satisfying chord quite like this song has. At least that’s what I think. But what is it about FLIGHT FROM EMSARIA that is so… so… terrifying (in a good way)?
In an FEC-sanctioned contest, Barack Obama (D-IL) and Sarah Palin (R-AK) will square off in a one-on-one basketball match to determine the winner of this tossup state. The measure is already being praised as “more fair than the Electoral College” by commentators hoping it is a standard soon to be used nationwide. I remember way back in the day watching some documentary about the Jena 6 or the Waterloo 19 or something like that. It was in a classroom in my old high school, and the TV’s there had a habit of clipping the corners off the image because the corners were too rounded. The documentary liked to show scanned newspaper headlines. One of the headlines said, “Black men accused of rape,” which was not funny until it zoomed in ever so slightly, and now said, “Black men accused of rap.” I burst out laughing at this tragic headline and probably looked either racist or insane.
Y’know how kids in middle schools and high schools think it’s hilarious to draw simplified penises on everything? Well it would only follow that penises would draw simplified people on things and think it’s funny. Get it? Hah? Well I thought it was funny. Every year, Seneca Valley High School in Germantown, MD holds a men’s beauty pageant poignantly titled “Mr. Seneca.” In my capacity at Clunkline, I somehow uncovered some footage of a previous contestant from all the way back in 2006. Though I cannot speak much to his methods, or much on the subject of copyright infringement, I will say this: it seemed like a hell of a show that year. Back when I still lived in a dorm room, one of the loser freshmen living in my building decided he could artificially inflate his self-perceived social standing by joining a fraternity. Later on, he proceeded to let a bunch of his “brothers” into our building and the lot of them went about systematically trashing the communal lounge on the first floor as part of their mindless drunken carryings-on (not to mention the obvious noise issue). So, if any readers out there are indignantly asking “what does this guy have against fraternities?”, there’s your answer. |
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