For a long time, the widely-accepted standard for racist jokes has bothered me a bit. The standard is this: that any joke exploiting a given racial or other group is okay to make, so long as it’s made by a member of said group.
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They say I am dead. That I will never haunt the world again. That I shot myself in a bunker in Germany sixty years ago. What they don’t know is that I had a long-hidden twin brother who actually was the one who died, and that I learned the secrets of eating right and exercising. I have lived to see the ripe old age of 120. They also don’t know where I’ve been hiding, the one place no one has thought to look: Sentinel Island. From the smallest of the Andaman Islands, I shall attempt my comeback. For years, I thought I was off to a good start. I smacked these foolish islanders into a steely, unforgiving discipline. I have trained them to make unmotivated attacks on all outsiders. And though they have never met a Jew or Frenchman, they assure me that if they ever do, they will growl menacingly. The media has a tendency of repeating the same phrases for something: Obama “clinched” the nomination, Palin “energized” her base. But the candidates themselves are even worse, repeating and repeating some words until they lose whatever meaning they ever had. Sometimes it gets so bad that you just want to throw tomatoes at the candidates and tell them to go nurse their retarded babies. Or maybe that is just me. After millennia of intense media speculation, the Jews confirmed yesterday that they would exercise their opt-out clause in the Covenant with Almighty God and seek offers from other deities. “The Covenant may have been a fair deal 5000 years ago,” said Ehud Olmert, prime minister of Israel and current leader of the Worldwide Shadow Conspiracy, “but with expanding revenues and increased global marketing opportunities, we felt that it was time to move on.” Grabass_Champion’s recent expose did not go far enough in revealing McCain’s hidden loyalties. I will finish the job. I know it seems like John McCain doesn’t actually seem to be a terrorist, but behold! I have unveiled his secret plane-flying job. John McCain is Osama bin Laden. Now I’ll demonstrate how similar they sound using my wicked sweet counter-terrorism skills.
An homage to Borat that I made after seeing the perfect source image… and the closest you’ll ever come here to seeing somebody else’s joke.
This is also the last Photoshop you’ll see from me that was made in Photoshop 5.5 (yeah, for serious), in an emulator, using a trackpad. I have a much more recent version now, thank you very much. Democrats are known for finding a way to fuck up the best opportunities they get. This time around, that way is named Hillary Clinton. It’s not that she’s completely evil. It’s not that Hillary is so liberal she couldn’t win over independents in a general election. It’s that those independents think she is, and their perception is far more important than reality. Voters are immune to truth.
1. Your mother was Hitler |
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