Today, I retained my job with the U.S. Census. Ordinarily, this would not be something of note, but yesterday I was informed that I might be FIRED FROM MY FEDERAL JOB.
Spurred on by Arizona legislature’s new immigration law, the federal government has now taken action to end illegal immigration. Permanently. Like, all of it.
Arizona’s law requires that potential illegal immigrants (e.g. Hispanic people) have immigration documents on them at all times. Supporters and critics of the measure alike agree that it’s the toughest measure on immigration ever seen in the U.S., or at least they did, until today.
Dear Foul Wretched Spawn of Society,
I am truly sorry your precious snowflake did her absolute damnedest to be removed twice from our store by stealing, moving her lips and producing such a great wind as to knock over merchandise, and then refusing to place it back where it belongs, which I see you’ve taught her well.
Towards the end of 2009, up until the very, very end of 2009, I found myself working more-or-less frantically to finish a choral piece which I had told my great uncle I would finish by the end of the year. During some of the -or-less frantic parts, I managed to come up with some of these gems.
Since Clunkline has just entered its new glorious auspicious second phase of righteous harmony, known to non-party-members as Clunkline 2.0, we as the Clunkline staff feel it’s necessary at this juncture to issue a review of the past two years of Clunkline history.
Neo-post-post-rock group To Hëll With The Dåmned! Said The Sætting Sün Over The Bättlefield Stårk! released its new eleven-disc album Monday to universal disapproval. Not one positive review has come from anyone anywhere, no matter how many drugs they were on at the time.
Marmaduke is a comic that is as old as my parents. It’s been drawn by the same fellow, one Brad Anderson, since 1954, and since the fateful day of its creation Marmaduke has served as a daily reminder that you don’t have to be funny or talented to be syndicated in newspapers nationwide.
I once read the entire Marmaduke comic described succinctly as “The big dog is on something you want.” I think there’s an even simpler explanation: the cartoonist is not funny at all.
On Election Day, most of the decided voters are out trying to find Area 51 and the Crystal Skull, or are wasted off their ass at a 24 hour bar in Vegas.
