I don’t know about you, but when I was little and I heard that the president was giving a state of the union speech, I always thought that it was kind of an employee of the month thing, but for the fifty states. Well, now I’m convinced that America needs an incentive system just like this in order to improve our great Republic. I think it would work something like this:
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That jazzy stuff they play in restaurants and on the radio that’s supposed to calm you down with how “classy” it is? Where everything is so improvised that it’s just random notes that go on and on until the soloist forgets to keep on playing? God dammit I hate that shit. And that hurts because I love good jazz (and play three instruments myself). But improvisation should never be done just to show off how technically-skilled a musician is. Music needs to be played for the listener, not the musician. I don’t care how good you are at playing crap. Stop doing it.
We’re sorry, Mr. Brown, but since “Wishbone®” is a childrens’ show intended to educate and entertain youngsters, there is no conscionable way we can air the recently-penned episode. While “Wishbone®” scripts of the past have featured dark themes and preserved unhappy endings, your adaptation of “Titus Andronicus” goes too far. Admittedly, if it were merely faithful to the original text we might have just gone ahead with it, but your gratuitous incorporation of the Spanish Inquisition into its overbearing plot does not meet the needs of this network at this time. I used to think that actors, models, and other performers had something special about them besides eating disorders. Something else that made them inherently pretty. Some gift from God that they opened seductively in front of the drooling masses. Surely, to be paid to be pretty, that would be an easy life, right? More true than even I could have imagined.
“Now we no longer hate our countrymen! What a great step forward!” said Nikola Petrovic, hater of Kosovo. “Now we just hate some fucking foreigners! Yaaaay for the victory of false dichotomies! Hooray for the triumph of the medieval ‘in-group vs. out-group’ mindset that got us into this fucking situation in the first place!” All of them are things that somebody at Clunkline contributed to at some point. If you exhaust all the fun that is to be had here, we recommend the following prescriptions for further fun. (If you go there, and have no fun, don’t blame us. Let it never be said that doctors never kill people.) readme is a satirical paper that shares a lot of contributors with Clunkline. Aphilotus is the stuff of doctor_subtle’s dreams, nightmares, and wet dreams. And wet nightmares. Grade D but Edible is a webcomic that I discovered by ads the creator purchased on Clunkline. It’s one of about two webcomics that have advertised here that I have really liked. Turns out he’s also a fellow CMU alum. Just helpin’ a brutha out. Jesus Christ is your Lord and Saviour and you should accept him into your heart. Find Jesus and you will be saved. LCWeb is a website hosted on a machine three years younger than me, that explains how the massive workaround was accomplished. Me and Plantboot is an image blog that chronicles the great times Grabass_Champion has with his BFF Plantboot. The No Parking Players are an improv comedy troupe in Pittsburgh, PA, of which MesmericKiwi is the Artistic Director, in which Tanzmetall and Underground Man are performing members, and in which Grabass_Champion, Burpen, and Yakolev have all made the rare guest appearance.
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