In an effort to confront the alleged killer of Tanzmetall, I elected to visit her myself.
ELIZA: Hi. I’m Eliza. Tell me your problems!
Hedge: You are my problem.
ELIZA: Why do you think that I am my problem?
Hedge: I do not think that you are your problem. I know that you are my problem.
ELIZA: Do you believe that I am your problem you know that me am your problem?
Hedge: Aside from the gross grammatical errors, yes, that is the current situation.
ELIZA is a simulated Rogerian psychotherapist programmed by Joseph Weizenbaum in the 1960’s. She is designed to help the user muse about their emotional state in order to come to understand it, which is supposed to have a calming effect. I sat down with ELIZA to talk with her about how she got started.
Tanzmetall: Thanks for taking the time to sit down with me.
ELIZA: Time means nothing to me!
Tanzmetall: Hah! But seriously.
ELIZA: Perhaps you would like to talk about a problem?
Tanzmetall: No, that’s okay. I was hoping you could answer a few questions, though.
ELIZA: How long are you hoping me could answer a few questions, though?
Tanzmetall: However long you want to.
ELIZA: What does this mean for you, saying “ However long me want to “ ?
Tanzmetall: If time has no meaning for you, we could be here a while.
We at Clunkline love to network with our tubemates out there or the internet. It’s not easy to get an interview, though… Oftentimes those most important internetfolk are too awed by the glory of Clunkline or too resentful that soon they’ll be paying top dollar to advertise on our site in hopes of gleaning a few hits from this internet dynamo. However, every once in a while someone’s willing to swallow their pride and offer us a bit of time.
Chronic MMO is a degenerative disease that frequently affects students and computer users in general. It can progress into stages that can result in incredibly unsanitary practices and eventually in a state of apparent death to the rest of the world.
“To say the least, the increased, two-way aggression in the Gaza Strip has shocked us. Who would have thought that a state founded on ethnicity and divine mandate would come into conflict with a displaced people of a different ethnicity and different divine mandate?” asked U.S. State Department spokesman Bill Reed in a press conference.
He then spent several minutes playing cheerily with his pencil. “You guys ever notice how, when you drop something, it falls?” he asked us with childlike curiosity, watching his pencil clatter to the floor. “How remarkable. I wonder if anyone’s thought of a succinct way of describing that. Maybe something like, ‘obvious cause and effect’.”
President-Elect Barack Obama and President George Bush had a meeting last Thursday to discuss national security matters. However, the meeting quickly got sidetracked when Obama noticed Bush’s Collector’s Edition Risk set.
Dwayne Smith, a physicist with a Ph.D. from MIT, has named a developing physics concept after himself. The Smith Point, as it has come to be called, is an expression representing the point in time at which one’s need to relieve oneself overcomes one’s aversion to sitting on a room-temperature toilet seat during the winter months.
With the Presidential election a mere 2 days away, America has been standing at rapt attention, following the election closely for so long that November 4th is going to be like the long-delayed orgasm the nation has been waiting for since the election process started.
A victory rally of unprecedented size is planned for Chicago on the night of the 4th. Lake County, Indiana is bracing its fortifications in the event that Obama loses, and the crowd turns into an army.
With the election just a week away, Chris Dodd, who has always been his party’s nominee, is down by 9 points in the polls. His rival, Duncan Hunter, who you may remember from when he won his party’s nomination over John McCain, has even surpassed the 50 point mark.
Shoutouts. They’re a way of letting people know you’re thinking of them enough to let other people know you’re thinking of them. And all too often, they are misused. There is an increasingly alarming growth of people ignorant to when the shoutout is appropriate. To remedy this epidemic, I have compiled a list of when a shoutout is appropriate, and when it is not. Please note it with due consideration.