No joke, there really are Ethiopian restaurants. It’s just like going to a Catholic brothel or a North Korean car dealership. You may be asking, “What, do you go there, sit down, and starve while the world ignores you?” But the advertising for these restaurants says they are completely normal, and deny that the food will be brought in by aid workers.
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A different perspective on events eight years old. Following pressure from President Bin Laden, the Senate voted unanimously to invade North America, a fascist nation thought to be harboring terrorists from the fundamentalist Christian terrorist group Project for a New American Century. Known for their megalomaniacal aims, gross nationalism, and no qualms about using force, the Project for a New American Century is the United States of the Middle East Except For Israel’s greatest foe: an axis of evil unilaterally disseminating their fundamentalist propaganda, and sending thousands of well-armed terrorists surging into USMEEFI territories.
With the election just a week away, Chris Dodd, who has always been his party’s nominee, is down by 9 points in the polls. His rival, Duncan Hunter, who you may remember from when he won his party’s nomination over John McCain, has even surpassed the 50 point mark. Actually, it’s going to be more about how it’s “like learning French from the Internet at large.” But that wasn’t nearly good enough to be title material. So… Recently I’ve been on a useless computer-fucking-around kick, which inevitably means that I’ve been (as I have on and off [but more off] for years) dabbling in the shark, piranha, and frustration-infested waters of Linux. Let me start off by saying that Linux is a great operating system the minute you trick it into doing exactly what you want it to do. Let me also say that Linux is an awful operating system for your blood pressure, your patience, and your level of alcohol consumption while you’re still trying to trick it into doing what you want it to do. To explain my frustrations with this operating system, I will now create a very weak but possibly humorous analogy between learning Linux and learning the French language, in which I analyze trying to learn the foreign language the way I learned Linux. After years of watching you masturbate, Ceiling Cat is dead. Blood drips from the hole in the sky where that celestial feline once peeped its last Tom (Tom-cat? Get it? Peeping Tom? Peeping Tom-cat? Die in a fire). And who, you the audience might ask, killed him? None other than the President of Iran, who after a recent visit to the calm, quickly-democratizing nation-state of Iraq, had the kitty killed in retaliation for the recent slaying of Cliff Puppy by a US Marine. |
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