Clunkline Forums are back up

IN THE THIRD MONTH, JESUS ROSE ONCE MORE, AGAIN… KIND OF.

Hey! Leave my door penis alone!

Hey, leave my door penis alone!

Scissorshop

SAVE0010

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Clangover

Huh? Oh, God, what day is it…?

The sixth?!

Are you fucking serious?

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Am I the only one who thinks mannequins are sexy?


Oooh, baby, you're too hot for Milo. How about you dump that chump and become the Venus de Tanzmetall instead?

Seriously, I can’t be alone in this. I mean, I’m not crazy, I know they’re not actual women you can “do the deed with”, so to speak. But their breasts are always perfectly proportioned! And I just know that, if they weren’t made of hard plastic, they’d be just the right size to gently cup in my hand.

And, of course, if they were real, they would love me.

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Jesus Saves Chrismas

The holidays are a time when there’s a little magic in the air, but this year things will be a little different. Just when it looked like Christmas wouldn’t come this year, the Son of Man stood up and said, “That ain’t right.” In short, Jesus saved Christmas.

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Review: The Chemicals that Have Been in my Eye Today

Today I’ve opted to provide to you, the very fortunate reader, a review of various chemicals and how they felt in my eye. After painstaking research and lots of running into things given my now-very-limited depth perception, I bring you this, a review of the chemicals that have been in my eye today.

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Clunkline at Two: A Retrospective

Since Clunkline has just entered its new glorious auspicious second phase of righteous harmony, known to non-party-members as Clunkline 2.0, we as the Clunkline staff feel it’s necessary at this juncture to issue a review of the past two years of Clunkline history.

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Songs that Don't Actually Have Any Lyrics

I almost never hear anything when people sing. It’s all Charlie-Brown’s-Teacher noises until the song ends. Wa wama wa wa. But with some songs, it’s worse than others, to the point that I start to suspect that they’re doing it deliberately.

Let me clarify. I’m not talking about Mondegreens. I’m not talking about Fuck It’s an Owl. I’m not talking about “Good King Wenceslas Lost his Crown”. I’m talking about cases where I don’t just mishear words. When I don’t hear anything. And I secretly suspect that’s because, with most of these, there aren’t actually any words.

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Just Sayin'

Ever said anything that you instantly regretted? Ever been at a funeral for a retarded person who got murdered by neo-nazis and told someone that maybe we should just euthanize the fuckers, after all they’re just a big cost to society?

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Jesus Christ

Running Water: An Erotic Journey

When we set up our new ads, I set them as NSFW. Porn, see, isn’t allowed on our advertising network, and by NSFW, they basically mean, anything your grandma wouldn’t want to see. Clunkline definitely qualifies. But, having tagged ourselves as NSFW, we are now getting ads for dildos and erotica read aloud by a sultry, lusty female. Inspired by our foxy new advertisers, MesmericKiwi, me, and the ironically-named Senator Bongledongle decided that now was the opportune time to ruin our future careers in politics.

Just FYI, this is pretty horrible and you should not listen to it.

You have been warned.

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Paging Dr. Phlox: Enterprise Suffers from Mayweather Syndrome

His wiki says he’s “quiet”. Wonder why they wrote him that way….

Mayweather Syndrome is a debilitating condition that results in audience apathy. Onset of symptoms occurs whenever Travis Mayweather opens his mouth. Shortly thereafter, the cancer of his atrocious acting metastasizes to the other cast members, eventually killing the appeal of the show.

There is no known cure for Mayweather Syndrome.

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What PICKAXE IN MY SKULL?

Headache? Muscular pain? Newly missing limb? Botched back-alley kidney removal? Getting FUCKED in the exit wound from a ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADE?!

Whatever your pain, you’ll NEVER NEED TO FEEL AGAIN. Except like JESUS.

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Similes that Never Caught On

“This new spreadsheet software’s like havin’ a boner at a circus.”

“It’s pourin’ outside like snot from a dog’s nose.”

“You’re about as useful as a fishnet condom.”

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