IN THE THIRD MONTH, JESUS ROSE ONCE MORE, AGAIN… KIND OF.
|
||||
 Oooh, baby, you're too hot for Milo. How about you dump that chump and become the Venus de Tanzmetall instead? Seriously, I can’t be alone in this. I mean, I’m not crazy, I know they’re not actual women you can “do the deed with”, so to speak. But their breasts are always perfectly proportioned! And I just know that, if they weren’t made of hard plastic, they’d be just the right size to gently cup in my hand. And, of course, if they were real, they would love me. Today I’ve opted to provide to you, the very fortunate reader, a review of various chemicals and how they felt in my eye. After painstaking research and lots of running into things given my now-very-limited depth perception, I bring you this, a review of the chemicals that have been in my eye today. I almost never hear anything when people sing. It’s all Charlie-Brown’s-Teacher noises until the song ends. Wa wama wa wa. But with some songs, it’s worse than others, to the point that I start to suspect that they’re doing it deliberately. Let me clarify. I’m not talking about Mondegreens. I’m not talking about Fuck It’s an Owl. I’m not talking about “Good King Wenceslas Lost his Crown”. I’m talking about cases where I don’t just mishear words. When I don’t hear anything. And I secretly suspect that’s because, with most of these, there aren’t actually any words. When we set up our new ads, I set them as NSFW. Porn, see, isn’t allowed on our advertising network, and by NSFW, they basically mean, anything your grandma wouldn’t want to see. Clunkline definitely qualifies. But, having tagged ourselves as NSFW, we are now getting ads for dildos and erotica read aloud by a sultry, lusty female. Inspired by our foxy new advertisers, MesmericKiwi, me, and the ironically-named Senator Bongledongle decided that now was the opportune time to ruin our future careers in politics. Just FYI, this is pretty horrible and you should not listen to it.
Mayweather Syndrome is a debilitating condition that results in audience apathy. Onset of symptoms occurs whenever Travis Mayweather opens his mouth. Shortly thereafter, the cancer of his atrocious acting metastasizes to the other cast members, eventually killing the appeal of the show. There is no known cure for Mayweather Syndrome. |
Entries feed:
Comments feed:
|
|||
Copyright © 2013 Clunkline - All Rights Reserved Powered by WordPress & the Atahualpa Theme by BytesForAll. Discuss on our WP Forum 205 queries. 0.784 seconds. View in: Mobile | Standard
|
||||
