The young man gazed with wonder at his mistress. The light of countless stars was just enough for his eyes to take in her familiar outline. Here, in a small ditch in the middle of a field on a moonless night, they could truly be alone. Away from the judgmental eyes of the society that had forbidden their love, they could indulge in their secret passion.
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I did not have friends growing up. I was too quiet, too reserved, too terrified of being hurt by other people. My parents never beat me, in contrast, the house was overly safe, and I think that’s what the problem was. My mother had constructed a sanctuary for me to keep out the evils of the world, but by the time I would have entered school, it was a psychological prison. Years passed by in solitude as I remained stagnant. Time has no meaning to those who remain unchanged. You probably want this update only as much as I wanted this spam. But I thought this first piece explained a lot. To: farkle-farkle’s_email@noneofyourbusiness.com Chronic MMO: Topic Overview Chronic MMO is a degenerative disease that frequently affects students and computer users in general. It can progress into stages that can result in incredibly unsanitary practices and eventually in a state of apparent death to the rest of the world. So one might criticize my reaction to that initial night of sexile, since the blue scrunchie maneuver was something I might have given Peter reason to think was okay. (I hope to god Peter didn’t show that Chinese girl his “blue scrunchie maneuver” if you know what I mean, because what I mean is some kind of sex act). Monday: 1. Robert Plant is gonna leave you, he said baby, you know he’s gonna leave you, he’ll leave you when the summer comes a-rollin’, leave you when the summer comes along. (Led Zeppelin – “Baby I’m Gonna Leave You”) 2. Someone named Jamie is crying. (Van Halen – “Jamie’s Cryin’”) 3. Yesterday don’t matter if it’s gone. (The Rolling Stones – “Ruby Tuesday”) 4. Roger Daltrey, whose heart is like a broken cup, really wants to know who you are. (The Who – “Who Are You”) 5. A kazoo solo makes for an amusing song. (Pink Floyd – “Corporal Clegg”) Dear Bandit Crew, Gentlemen, I have finally completed my plan for the ultimate heist. Yes, that’s right, we’re going to steal all of the furniture from the White House. Yes… all of it. We’re going to be rich beyond our wildest dreams. Who wouldn’t want to buy President Taft’s extra large bath tub? Or the whiskey cabinet where Ulysses S. Grant poured himself a cold one? Or the mirror Nixon practiced all his lies in front of? Or the love seat where Thomas Jefferson fucked his slaves? Of course as the one who planned this caper I will have to claim the greatest prize: the bed where Grover Cleveland slept. I know we all wanted that one but I think it is only fair that I should be allowed to sleep in the same bed as my idol. Okay, so here’s a thought: There is no past nor is there a future. The entire universe exists only for a single instant and our perceptions of a past merely result from the configuration of the current world. Think about it, the only proof of the existence of the past is the configuration of current items such as the email your girlfriend sent to break up with you, the note on the roses you sent her, or the text of the subsequent restraining order. Aside from the deep and crippling emotional pain you live with knowing you will never find love again, all “proof” of the relationship consists of items in the present, items which can be duplicated without having had that “actual” past just as one could doctor your face onto her prom date’s picture and plaster it to the ceiling of your room. |
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