Yeah, I’ve seen a bunch of your newfangled “action flicks” that you people are watching in theaters these days. I was underwhelmed by “G.I. Joe,” underwhelmed by “Ninja Assassin” and “Transformers 2,” and just plain whelmed by “The Book of Eli.” But all you young people out there, you get so excited when you see this stuff, you’re practically pissing in your popcorn! Well let me tell you something; the action movies of my day were so awesome you’d start blowing CRAP out your EYEBALLS if you so much as glanced at ‘em.
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This part of Superman Returns was just asking for a remix. You’d have to be brain dead to have missed the buzz around Geoffry A. Rawlin’s Philosophical Zombie 2 (P-Zed2). Moviegoers delighted at the original Philosophical Zombie, a blockbuster hit which threatened to overturn the zombie horror genre. The sequel promises us a bigger story, more zombies, and more horror, all on a bigger budget. Sounds good. But as a critic, I must ask the question: does the film live up to the hype?
This’ll be my first corner post. I’m not sure yet how I’m going use this, so I guess I’ll have to experiment. For now I’m going to treat it as a blog, and for my first blog post I’m going to rant about one of my least favorite things ever: conspiracy theories. Personally, I think every single conspiracy theory is wrong. No, I’m serious. I’ve never seen any convincing evidence that any of these crackpot, connect-the-nonexistent-dots, shit-we-made-up “theories” is true. Let’s talk about the two big ones today: 9/11 and Kennedy. No, this has nothing to do with masturbation. Well, at least, I think it has nothing to do with masturbation. This device was created long before imageboards were even a funny feeling in someone’s balls, and was called the “fapper” before a gaggle of horny 14-year-olds decided that “fap” would be a great word for “masturbate”. Anyway, watch the video before I give too much away… It’s delightfully hilarious. Some guy walked around campus handing out pieces of paper that said “Day” on them and filming reactions when he told them “now give someone else a nice day”. I wound up appearing very briefly in this, along with the present Artistic Director of the No Parking Players, an improv troupe to which I belong. We are wearing ridiculous things and have lucky charms in front of us which we were, at the time, using to tell fortunes. I’m posting it mostly because of our fortune-telling clothes. I didn’t think I’d be immortalized in such a stylish jacket (or saying “day” so confusedly). |
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