Just Sayin'

Ever said anything that you instantly regretted? Ever been at a funeral for a retarded person who got murdered by neo-nazis and told someone that maybe we should just euthanize the fuckers, after all they’re just a big cost to society?

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Word Up…date

Microsoft Word Development Team
Press Release – 5 August 2009

Microsoft Word, the planet’s most popular word processing software, has undergone a steady rate of improvements with each of its subsequent versions. Today, however, we are pleased to announce the upcoming release of Microsoft Word X, a piece of software with so many new features, it represents more than just the next generation in office document preparation; it is a paradigm shift in how we create text.

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Triumph of the Dave and Busters

I hate Dave & Busters. I’ve hated them for a long time. It has nothing to do with their staggeringly overpriced french fries, their usurious activation fees for their cards, or that dumb way that they connect all their fans together with gears and belts. No, it runs much deeper.

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From Racist to Bassist

Texas is Shaped like a Retarded Swastika

Something about Texas has bothered me for years, but I was never able to put my finger on it until now.

Coincidence?

Op-Ed: The word “Feminazi” should be banned from intelligent debate

From the desk of the outspoken Ms. Droth Ackermann:

The term “feminazi” is offensive to women and demeaning to a perfectly valid cause.

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Swing State Profiles: Michigan


Why A Swinger?
Rampaging robocops rebelliously reduce residents to random radical reserves.

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The Problem with Godwin’s Law

You know who else upheld the rule of law?

Hitler.

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Clunklanalysis: Obama's VP Picks, Part VI

Kathleen “What Glass Ceiling?” Sebelius
Chuck “WHAT?!!” Hagel
Profile
Profile
Kansas Governor Kathleen “What Glass Ceiling?” Sebelius gives political women a good name in all the ways Clinton does not. She also has the remarkable ability (or remarkability, if you will) to win multiple elections, and remain very popular, as a Democrat in a blood-red state. This is because, every morning, she eats a bowl of Awesome Flakes (120% of your daily required Awesome), and you are what you eat. Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel is a WHAT THE HELL HE’S A REPUBLICAN. Like Joe “Iscariot” Lieberman, he’s more or less switched sides on certain issues, although Lieberman is no longer even a Democrat in name. Like Obama, Hagel was an early and emphatic critic of the Iraq War, and has been unreserved in his praise for what he sees as Obama’s foreign policy clairvoyance. The difference between him and most Republicans is that he and Obama got out the rulers and measured.

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Nom de Pomme’s Guide To Nations: Greenland

Hello all and thanks for buying my latest edition of the Guide series, Guide to Nations: Greenland. As a world traveler I have labored long and hard to bring you the most accurate representation of this beautiful country, its storied history and vibrant culture.

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Out of the Archives: Warfront 9/29/44: Reward Offered For Hitler's Mustache

FLASH

The War Department today issued a tasty incentive to our boys in Europe today with an unprecedented prize of five THOUSAND dollars to any man who can find and capture Hitler’s Nazi mustache.

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Oh, You Support the Electoral College? How Quaint, You’re An Idiot.

Also Known As, The Longest Motherfucking Corner Essay Ever

There are a number of arguments for and against the Electoral College, and yet there are not two legitimate sides to the debate, because every one of the losing side’s arguments belies borderline mental retardation. In every claim about what the system does, E.C. supporters are flat wrong, by empirical fact. And in every claim about why what it actually does is a good thing, they are nothing less than clinically delusional.

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Der Bierführer!

There’s a Budweiser truck that drives around Harrison City and passes the store periodically that says “Fuhrer Eagle Sales and Service” on the side. I would’ve got a picture, but cameraphones can only go so far, and I couldn’t get one where the side of the truck was legible.

Still, I think we can conclude that Budweiser is a Nazi beer.

Articles

The
A
An

Pretty simple right?

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Atheists are chopping off this nation’s Christian roots, boiling them in a broth and making Jesus-soup out of them

Point: Sin

Sin, sin, sin. That’s all the atheists think of, and they even do it at least three times like I typed it. Atheists have been proven scientifically to be less moral than Christians (Source: Conservapedia), less charitable than Christians (Source: The Internet), and, fortunately, less politically-influential than Christians (Source: The Bible). They are a part of a massive conspiracy by the Gay Nazi Papist Commies to undermine our well-documented morality for ulterior motives we are far too busy to actually explain.

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