Sir Richard's Penis Enhancing Mechanism

Dear Sir Richard,
In response to your overly enthusiastic letter detailing your invention, and with the aid of several of the local youth we found wandering our grounds, we have completed several prototypes of your proposed design. We have begun the lab testing procedure, and are almost ready to release these into the market. There are, however, a few design choices I think you should reconsider.

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Hey! Leave my door penis alone!

Hey, leave my door penis alone!

Clunkipedia: Groaty Dick.

Groaty Dick.



According to Wikipedia, Groaty Dick “. . .is a traditional dish from the Black Country in England.” 300 This means that it qualifies as “soul food,” which may come as a surprise to some. Groaty dick is made from “. . .groats, beef, leeks, onions, and beef stock [and a bunch of other shit].” π

Groaty Dick is most commonly found in Tanzmetall’s pants.YEP Generally modern scientists believe that the dick in Tanzmetall’s pants got so groaty from his habit of putting it in toothless hookers. However, a recent study indicates that it may also be the result of having sex with mountains of dromedary feces. EW


300. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
π. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
YEP. I looked there. It’s pretty groaty.
EW. Harris, Krautbaumer, et al. “Making Connections: A study of Tanzmetall’s genitalia and dromedary excreta in sexual contexts.” American Journal of Things More Important than Cancer and Aids. Vol. 4 Issue 13, 24-41.

Win a Free Penis! Enlarge your Laptop!

Psychologist Pick-up Lines

So you spend all day listening to other people whine about their problems, but as a psychologist a great way to unwind is to hit the town and try to pick up some ladies or gents or both. It’s also an awesome way to give someone more problems to take to a psychologist! Score! Keepin’ the profession alive!

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PennDot? More like Poop Dot

Because we’re too classy to make a joke about PenisDot, we decided to compare Pennsylvania’s infrastructure to a nice, wet heap of dogshit.

Yeah, right. Where are you gonna see a road that nice in Pennsylvania?

That's more like it.

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Programming Pick-Up Lines

You may have heard a few mathematically-inspired, nerdy-as-hell pick-up lines such as “I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.” Until now, you may not have been familiar with their inbred cousins: programming pick-up lines. If you wish to remedy this situation, read on!

What PICKAXE IN MY SKULL?

Headache? Muscular pain? Newly missing limb? Botched back-alley kidney removal? Getting FUCKED in the exit wound from a ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADE?!

Whatever your pain, you’ll NEVER NEED TO FEEL AGAIN. Except like JESUS.

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The Dueling Comic Satires of Epiglottis and Priapus

The Potty Pyramid of Djoser, where the extant copies were found. At the time of its construction, it was the tallest building in the world.

In Ancient Greece, few dramas were more tense than this exchange of sharp words and swords between a pair of rival playwrights. Their story remained lost to history until the relevant documents were plumbed out of the depths of an Egyptian portopotty. It is supposed that they were deposited there after being discarded when an Achaemenid used them as first reading material, and then toilet paper.

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VINCENT BROWN PRESENTS


a VINCENT Q. BROWN FILM/ television reel
starring by /written by/ actor(s) / director(s() / gaffers(s)/ /producered by(s) : VINCENT BROWN
something no one worked on but VINCENT Q. BROWN himself…

BREAKING BAD
pilot episode season 3 finale

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Penis Safari

Like many of you whose girlfriend has left them for another species, I often find myself comparing my penis to that of many animals. For those of you who have not had the opportunity to degrade yourself, I went to the Icelandic Phallological Museum, home of more than 245 preserved penises to learn about the wonders of the animal penis kingdom.

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Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children: A Pointless Review

No, I am not reviewing the Playstation RPG that people have been fawning over for years. Instead, I have obtained through my good friend J-tin a copy of the movie that takes place two years after the events in the game. I should preface this saying I knew about as much about Final Fantasy VII going into this as a blind man knows about the difference between red and blue. I’ve heard much about it, but have no real experience playing it. For that matter, the only Final Fantasy games I have played are a FFXII sequel and FFIII for the Nintendo DS. But I decided to see how this movie would hold against the standards of someone not enthralled by FFVII’s mystical aura. And quite frankly, it could have done better.

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Molest Small Children for Change?

Recently, Barack Obama sent me this email.



Hello. I’m Jon Carson, the National Field Director for the Obama campaign, and I have a special request for you.

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McCain’s Upcoming Desperate Game-Changers

We spoke to Campaign Manager Steve Schmidt on condition of anonymity. Here are the strategies he says McCain is going to try in the next month.

1. When the economy does anything, point the other direction and yell, “Look over there!”

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On the Humor Value of Bodily Fluids

farkle-farkle points it out every time I do it: I wrote another article with somebody peeing on someone else.

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