Clunkline » penis

Sir Richard’s Penis Enhancing Mechanism

Hedge — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 02:54:22 +0000

Dear Sir Richard,
In response to your overly enthusiastic letter detailing your invention, and with the aid of several of the local youth we found wandering our grounds, we have completed several prototypes of your proposed design. We have begun the lab testing procedure, and are almost ready to release these into the market. There are, however, a few design choices I think you should reconsider.

We had a bit of trouble getting our knobs the right shade of blue, but we managed to dye them with some rare flower we found in the greenhouse.

In your design (which I have enclosed in case you had forgotten about it), you appear to have no padding on either of the rings that the penis is inserted into. Indeed, there appeared to be quite a bit of discomfort in the lab rats we tested, and a few of the lab humans as well. (Though one did seem to enjoy the feeling of cold metal.) Including a rubber or some softer fabric liner may help to sell more units.

Additionally, I do not believe the crank on the shaft works as you intended it to. We have proposed this alternative solution: with the crank on the end of the big ring, when turned it will force the smaller ring up and down the threaded shaft, rather than twisting the subject’s penis into a ‘U’ shape. While this did result in an overall increase in length over time, those who participated in this round of study were not pleased when they ended up urinating on themselves. The female assistant was similarly unsatisfied with the results.

We did create one prototype with the changes proposed, but it was stolen prior to testing. We suspect the group of circus folk who came and distracted us with a very lively song and dance routine, but we have no evidence.

In best regards,

The West Of The Mississippi But East Of Nevada No Not There Higher Up On The Map No That’s Too High How Haven’t You Heard Of Nebraska Innovation Group

Hey! Leave my door penis alone!

Grabass_Champion — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 17:15:14 +0000

Clunkipedia: Groaty Dick.

Grabass_Champion — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 23:13:05 +0000

Groaty Dick.

According to Wikipedia, Groaty Dick “. . .is a traditional dish from the Black Country in England.” ³⁰⁰ This means that it qualifies as “soul food,” which may come as a surprise to some. Groaty dick is made from “. . .groats, beef, leeks, onions, and beef stock [and a bunch of other shit].” ^π

Groaty Dick is most commonly found in Tanzmetall’s pants.^YEP Generally modern scientists believe that the dick in Tanzmetall’s pants got so groaty from his habit of putting it in toothless hookers. However, a recent study indicates that it may also be the result of having sex with mountains of dromedary feces. ^EW

300. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
π. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
YEP. I looked there. It’s pretty groaty.
EW. Harris, Krautbaumer, et al. “Making Connections: A study of Tanzmetall’s genitalia and dromedary excreta in sexual contexts.” American Journal of Things More Important than Cancer and Aids. Vol. 4 Issue 13, 24-41.

Win a Free Penis! Enlarge your Laptop!

Senator Bongledongle — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 21:51:53 +0000

Psychologist Pick-up Lines

Grabass_Champion — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 04:55:39 +0000

So you spend all day listening to other people whine about their problems, but as a psychologist a great way to unwind is to hit the town and try to pick up some ladies or gents or both. It’s also an awesome way to give someone more problems to take to a psychologist! Score! Keepin’ the profession alive!

“Sex is on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Care to help me self-actualize?”

“You remind me of my mother…”

“This isn’t just any cigar.”

“Are you happy to see me, or is that just a defense mechanism?”

“When you fell from heaven, did it leave you with any lasting emotional scars?”

“Baby, do I remember you from my dreams, or is that just a false memory?”

“I’d compare you to my mother, but I don’t want to go down that Freudian slippery slope.”

“I’m a screamer, but don’t worry. The more people hear me scream, the fewer will care.”

Say, baby, when you dream, do you ever dream about waves crashing on a beach?
(Why, yes!)
The waves represent my penis. The beach represents your unconscious yearning for my penis.

“I’ll be a prisoner, you be a guard. Abuse me!”

“”You’re into threesomes? Great, ’cause I’ve got split personality.”

“Are you real, or are you a delusion? Either way, nice tits.”

“Do come lay on my couch… With me.”

“Hey babe, want me to penetrate you exactly 62 times?”

“Who’s your daddy? Do I remind you of him?”

“Why don’t I show you my giant inkblot, and you can tell me what you see?”