Scientists recently have uncovered a new physics theory to describe the observed natural progression of things into the shape of a human penis.
Research began when Dr. Rupik Balashatwa at Ohio State University noticed that some mushrooms very closely resemble penises. From that point it was the aim of Balashatwa and his team of researchers to find if it was just coincidence, or a natural force operating in the universe.
His next discovery was the naked mole rat, which only looked like a penis in certain circumstances.
I enlisted for the action of a deep space exploration mission. I never expected that a deep space exploration mission would need latrine duty. I certainly never expected to be personally responsible for cleaning it. Maybe someday, with a bit of luck, I can become Sanitation Officer, promoted through my own merits. That is my true dream. Not cleaning up shit, but telling others to do it for me.
One thing’s for sure, in the meantime, this trip isn’t about to get more interesting, and my job couldn’t possibly get more difficult. Certainly it will not do so even if we pick up aliens whose specialty is pooping everywhere.
Administrator: Meeting has started. Administrator: Grabass_Champion has entered the meeting room. Administrator: Tanzmetall has entered the meeting room. Administrator: FooTay has entered the meeting room. Administrator: Nom de pomme has entered the meeting room. Administrator: Farkle-Farkle has entered the meeting room. Nom de pomme: hey everyone!
Connecticut Sen. Chris Dodd has a lot of experience with mediocrity, which may offset Obama’s greatness. He ran a lackluster campaign for President before dropping out after Iowa with three votes, all of which were cast by his mother. In February, he became the first also-ran to endorse a former rival and have nobody notice.
Former general Wesley Clark is everything McCain wishes he were: younger, smarter, more successful, and never tortured. He falls just short of being a demigod, and is as great as a mortal man can be. His penis is also noticeably girthier.
from: admin@redpornotube.com
to: azurechameleon212@geocities.com
subject: Your Recent Posts at RedPornoTube
Dear AzureChameleon212:
First I would like to thank you for all of the time and effort you spend patronizing our website and free service, redpornotube.com. Like many of our users, you give back to this community driven website by uploading your own pornographic content, in addition to downloading the content of others.
I would like to note here, however, just for the record, that this trade of data is not very much like the analogy you used in your previous email to us – online videos are in no way like “the cum-stained porno mags of your father’s closet, pages stuck together like thighs.” Indeed I would posit that they are more like the slutty girl at your local highschool – passed around like some form of social currency.
This entry can be easily understood (← lie) with the help of Google.
Partie A. Conversations.
Marc et Sophie are hiding the evidence. You will hear a series of short conversations as they discuss where to put the body. When you have heard each conversation, circle the response that is MOST APPROPRIATE.
Today, Cheney made a reference to the much-publicized factoid that he is Barack Obama’s relative–something like his 95th cousin. I know, it’s so obvious now; the resemblance is striking. And a flair for compromise runs in the family. In any case, he also shockingly revealed that his geneology shows Cheneys on both sides of his family, “and we’re not even from West Virginia.”
Y’know how kids in middle schools and high schools think it’s hilarious to draw simplified penises on everything? Well it would only follow that penises would draw simplified people on things and think it’s funny. Get it? Hah?
Eliot Spitzer recently stepped aside to allow Lt. Governor Ray Charles to assume the duties of the office. But that does not mean he doesn’t have a sense of humor! In an exclusive interview with Clunkline, he made a bunch of stupid image macros.
Image macros are easy as hell to make. Maybe that’s why they’re frowned upon by the comedic establishment. But then again, Eliot Spitzer sure is frowned upon by the political establishment, but he’s still my hero.
Giving enemas was a time-honored tradition in some primitive cultures. So was receiving them. This, therefore, was inevitable.
Last time, I reviewed a pair of horrible online catalogs, but they had way too many hideously stupid items for sale for me to possibly cover in one update. Even today, I’m nowhere near done ripping Carol Wright a new one, but this update ought to bring us one step closer to, at the very least, giving her an enema.
Since I’ve gone to all the trouble of getting on my rubber gloves and getting her to bend over, you only have to sit back in your comfort wedge and enjoy the show.
This is what happens when you buy this shit. This is why we can’t have nice things.
There are more shitty, useless, and expensive products on the Internet than I can read about—let alone review—in a year. This is the tip of an iceberg made of frozen dogshit and the decaying dreams of young children. But don’t worry, I’ve done all the work of finding the iceberg, knocking out your ship’s helmsman, and steering you toward it. When the metal rips and the screams start, remember that there aren’t enough lifeboats and that I’ve probably taken one already. You might want to rush to the railing with a door or something else that floats to escape the doom that awaits you at the end of this overextended metaphor.
