I post old photoshops when I am too lazy to write

Actually I’ve written an article-length piece today, but it’s not exactly Clunkline fare, so here you go.

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Runny Bunches of Stoats

Yes, I googled “wet ferret”. What of it?

Like a Monarch butterfly, I am both beautiful and threatened. It is true–my milkweed is a computer in readme‘s office fondly known as “Notatracksuit”. (Because it is not, you see, in fact a tracksuit.)

Over the three years I’ve been using the machine, I did in fact create many of the items on that list. But in my defense, all of the ferret-related searches were for this photoshop, and I only read Peeing Man Monthly for the articles.

The Miracles of Airbrushing

I used to think that actors, models, and other performers had something special about them besides eating disorders. Something else that made them inherently pretty. Some gift from God that they opened seductively in front of the drooling masses. Surely, to be paid to be pretty, that would be an easy life, right? More true than even I could have imagined.

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My Predictions about the Harrowing Elections Tomorrow (Today)

I guess that, what with the whole “Anakin winds up killing Mace” thing, I’m implying that Chelsea Clinton will assassinate Obama, which is either frightening or a new political first (if she kills him through sexual exhaustion). Cause everybody knows she’s pimped out and Obama, now he’s a pimp.

Love, Tanzmetall.

P.S. I know this photoshop is horrible, but it is full of subtleties.

These subtleties are also horrible but it’s okay! Because, you see, they’re subtle.

You don’t understand art.

High Five!

An homage to Borat that I made after seeing the perfect source image… and the closest you’ll ever come here to seeing somebody else’s joke.

This is also the last Photoshop you’ll see from me that was made in Photoshop 5.5 (yeah, for serious), in an emulator, using a trackpad. I have a much more recent version now, thank you very much.

BlokaCola

Fleabags

You Know You Want It...

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Some Really Bad, Will-Make-You-Want-To-Crush-Your-Own-Head, Photoshop Diddies

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Category List with Explanations for the Dumb

Editor’s Shortlist
The best of Clunkline.

OMG OFFENSIVE!!!
Your own fault if you click it. Even more so than usual, and it is always your fault. Posts not tagged with this are not guaranteed to be unoffensive, but these ones are guaranteed to be offensive, so there you are. NOT SAFE FOR BRAINS.

Gathered Content …See also, “Why would you steal such crap?”
Any content that we didn’t create specifically for Clunkline. However, there is no material on this website that was not created at least in part by a contributor. Yeah, we know there’s embedded YouTube videos, but we made those, too–this isn’t “Collectionofrandomshit.com”. Anything that was made by a Clunkline contributor is fair game for display and publicity on this site—old comedic endeavors, short stories, sitcom pilots, all kinds of stuff we hunched over and shat out. So some of it may have been printed / screened / whatever before, but in every case Clunkline has checked their copyright obligations, and also credited the original venue. Links to each of these venues are provided. (See our Copyright Policy for more information.)

Corner
Posts here appear in their respective authors’ corners.

Erection Center
Posts here appear in the Election Center, or did before the election ended and we took it down. They can still be found on archive and author pages.

Removed from Circulation
These are jokes that, for whatever reason, didn’t age well. Or, they’re articles that are inside-jokey. Either way, there was something about them that made me not want them to appear in the randomizers and related post features. That doesn’t mean they’re not funny, but they were probably funnier when they were written. Posts with this tag will still appear in older pages of the Front Page, in searches, on Author pages and Archive pages–that is, in the context in which they were originally published. If you really want to read all those articles I wrote about Hillary Clinton in February 2008, I suggest using the News category or the Barack Obama tag.

Articles
Pieces of writing with a point to make. That point can be not to have a point.

How-Tos
How to do shit. Do I really need to describe this? Honestly.

Letters
Snail mail or email from one person to another.

Lists
This is a list of things. Those things might even be other lists, but that hurts brains.

Looney-ramble
Grabass_Champion’s serialized autobiography.

News
Articles that are written as if they were news, but are in fact fake. Essentially the modern standard in journalism.

Point / Counterpoint
Debates are conducted very formally and logically here at Clunkline.

Rants
We hate a lot of things. There is a lot to hate about this world. There is even more hate in the hearts and souls of our writers. That isn’t actually true due to set theory, but we hate set theory too.

Reviews
Some things are things that we make. These things usually suck. When we get depressed about how much they suck, we like to laugh at people less fortunate than us. Reviews are where we talk about things we didn’t write, thus writing about them and circumventing copyright.

The Ronnicles
The story of a woman who would not be stopped by the glass ceiling of literacy.

Vincent Brown
The collected works of a failed writer.

Images
These things aren’t words and don’t move when you stare at them.

Comics
These are pictures that are going on a date with text and will probably sleep with him tonight because they are such hoes. (Yes, they are plural.)

Harg Barg Burg
Tributes to a late great comic artist.

Doodles
Drawn or painted or whatever, these were done with human hands and then scanned so Skynet could look at them too. We made them all by ourselves.

Photographs
Things we took with a real, physical camera IRL.

Image Macros
IMPACT FONT. Usually have to be self-ridiculing or they’re likely to be stupid.

Photoshops
Edited images of all varieties.

Products
Real products that should be fake; fake products that should be real.

Fake ads
Some products get displayed as if they were ads on the front page.

Videos
Shit that moves when you stare at it.

Films
Films produced by a cast and crew.

Sketches
Short comedy clips that don’t take themselves seriously.

Standup
Comedy that is spoken while standing.

Stop-motion
We stop, then we motion.

Bonzo and Bonkers
This category is for dumb things J-tin makes with the weird brain thing and moose.

Buttraces
This term was invented by YTMND and describes the use of one’s butt as a vehicle.

Audio
If you stare at it, it won’t do much, but if you listen, you might get offended.

Music
This is stuff that you listen to, and has patterns in it.

Tanzmetall