A dismal end for the barbarian leader Ammangetorix and his marauding Amish army of highwaymen.
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Grabass_Champion: bag. bag.  Why A Swinger? Pennsylvania is half enlightened East Coast state and half Rust Belt / Appalachia hellhole. Clunkline, located over the second ‘h’ in “Hellhole”, has a unique perspective on this phenomenon. Depending on how many ignorant people the Republicans can motivate with their fear of Terror, fear of God, and fear of those who look different, Pennsylvanian elections are won or lost. Pennsylvania faces many infrastructural challenges that it solves by creating worse infrastructural challenges. One of these challenges results from our state hiring construction workers in order to create jobs, not to finish jobs. The worst of these challenges is named PennDot. I don’t believe I saw a sign saying “Assholes Don’t Have to Stop Here, They Can Just Continue Through the Intersection at 45 MPH on a 25 MPH Side Street In Front Of A Car That Has No Yield, Stop, or Traffic Signal.” The giant, six-inch crocheted cross I see swinging from your rearview as I tailgate you doesn’t give me a favorable impression of all you Jesus Freaks out there either. Way to hurt your cause. I guess you were just so blinded by all the JESUS in your face that you couldn’t see the road or even remember that you were driving. When you take your driving test, a mandatory “Are You An Asshole” test should be part of it. And if you fail it YOU DON’T GET TO DRIVE EVER. Fuck you, assholes. 10: An economic crisis happening at 3AM. And someone calling the President about it. But, seriously. Go vote today, if our system will let you. Even if you’re voting for Clinton. Your opinion counts, even if in my estimation it’s wrong.
1. Being set in New York for no good reason. “Hmm. I have this uninteresting, unoriginal screenplay. It could be set in any city in America. However, I am incredibly uninspired, and I will therefore set it in New York.” In 1979, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Pirates won the Superbowl and World Series. At the time, Pittsburgh was full of hope and morale. To recognize this, the city fathers, in their infinite wisdom, decided to institute a city wide slogan of “We Are Family”. Yes. Like the song. Dr. Jonathan W. Rogalthorpe, Ed.D Presents: A COMPREHENSIVE HISTORIE OF THE ROADS AND HIGHWAYS OF THE COMMONWEALTH OF PENNSYLVANIA FROM THE COLONIAL ERA UNTIL MODERNE-DAY Chaptre One: Native-Built Viaducts The earliest recorded pathway in Pennsylvania led from the Longhouse of a one Ungachkink to the body of water now known as Keystone Lake. It was mainly used by the household’s inhabitants as they rushed to the lake daily to relieve themselves. If you have ever flown anywhere on an overcast day, you have probably perused the magazine equivalent of the HSN, known as SkyMall ’cause you can shop for all kinds of useless garbage all from your hard, narrow airplane seat. What more could you want? Well, other than wider seats. In the question-asking system, there are two distinct but equally important groups of people: the people who ask questions, and Tanzmetall, who sits behind an information desk and listens to them. These are their stories. “Hey, can I borrow a cup?” (The screen displays a graphic of a freshly flattened dolphin, with the caption “ROADKILL!”) Dale, the Sports Guy: And that’s why my wife left me. Penny, the Anchor: Thanks Dale. Boy, figure skating really is boring as [bleep], isn’t it? Dale: I’m going to go drink myself to sleep now. (The screen displays a graphic of a freshly flattened rodent, with the caption “ROADKILL!”) Bubba, the Sports Guy: So, it looks like Benny the water skiing squirrel won’t be doing any more cute tricks in the near future. Back to you guys. Chip, the Anchor: Thanks Bubba. Boy, the Cincinnati Bengals sure can punt those Chihuahuas, can’t they? Bubba: I’m going to go hang myself now. All of them are things that somebody at Clunkline contributed to at some point. If you exhaust all the fun that is to be had here, we recommend the following prescriptions for further fun. (If you go there, and have no fun, don’t blame us. Let it never be said that doctors never kill people.) readme is a satirical paper that shares a lot of contributors with Clunkline. Aphilotus is the stuff of doctor_subtle’s dreams, nightmares, and wet dreams. And wet nightmares. Grade D but Edible is a webcomic that I discovered by ads the creator purchased on Clunkline. It’s one of about two webcomics that have advertised here that I have really liked. Turns out he’s also a fellow CMU alum. Just helpin’ a brutha out. Jesus Christ is your Lord and Saviour and you should accept him into your heart. Find Jesus and you will be saved. LCWeb is a website hosted on a machine three years younger than me, that explains how the massive workaround was accomplished. Me and Plantboot is an image blog that chronicles the great times Grabass_Champion has with his BFF Plantboot. The No Parking Players are an improv comedy troupe in Pittsburgh, PA, of which MesmericKiwi is the Artistic Director, in which Tanzmetall and Underground Man are performing members, and in which Grabass_Champion, Burpen, and Yakolev have all made the rare guest appearance.
Hilarity Ensues’ award-winning film for the Pittsburgh 48 Hour Film Festival.
Content was created by Hilarity Ensues, a production group which Tanzmetall and The Surgeon General, among others, lead. |
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