This was performed by Scotch ‘n’ Soda Theatre. It won me and Chicken Chow Fun a nice shiny “Best Original Play” award, but I think it was in large part thanks to the performances of the cast (which included two other Clunkliners) and work of the director. Underground Man got nominated for Best Male Lead for his role, which is pretty hard to do since this festival always takes place after the nomination period is basically over.
Technically, it also won “Best Post-show Music” but I don’t think that counts since they made the award up just to give it to us.
Hold the Elevator was written, rehearsed, and performed in the space of 24 hours.
I tagged it as a film because we don’t have a category for plays.
I listen to better music than you do. I know this, partly because I also know more about music than you do, but mostly because all of your favorite bands either suck, or they were way better before people like you started listening to them. Also you’re ugly and you smell bad. Go away.
Is he gone yet? Good, I hated that guy.
Anyway, the reason I have such a high standard in music is that every band I encounter is first put through a strict test to determine exactly how much I like them on a 0-100 scale. For this quiz, each band starts with 50 points, then add or subtract points based on the answers to the following questions:
The Potty Pyramid of Djoser, where the extant copies were found. At the time of its construction, it was the tallest building in the world.
In Ancient Greece, few dramas were more tense than this exchange of sharp words and swords between a pair of rival playwrights. Their story remained lost to history until the relevant documents were plumbed out of the depths of an Egyptian portopotty. It is supposed that they were deposited there after being discarded when an Achaemenid used them as first reading material, and then toilet paper.
I did not have friends growing up. I was too quiet, too reserved, too terrified of being hurt by other people. My parents never beat me, in contrast, the house was overly safe, and I think that’s what the problem was. My mother had constructed a sanctuary for me to keep out the evils of the world, but by the time I would have entered school, it was a psychological prison. Years passed by in solitude as I remained stagnant. Time has no meaning to those who remain unchanged.
Microsoft Word Development Team
Press Release – 5 August 2009
Microsoft Word, the planet’s most popular word processing software, has undergone a steady rate of improvements with each of its subsequent versions. Today, however, we are pleased to announce the upcoming release of Microsoft Word X, a piece of software with so many new features, it represents more than just the next generation in office document preparation; it is a paradigm shift in how we create text.
I returned Peter’s stash to its rightful (though dare I say unlawful!) place, and soon enough Peter returned in a similarly criminal manner. I could see in his bloodshot eyes that awful gleam of knowing. Like any good spy, I had returned his rifled-through things to their original places, carefully restacking the most casual of stacks, etc, and though any layman would have been none the wiser, something in those flat eyes knew that I knew that he was a fiend, both horticulturally and demonologically.
Chronic MMO is a degenerative disease that frequently affects students and computer users in general. It can progress into stages that can result in incredibly unsanitary practices and eventually in a state of apparent death to the rest of the world.
So one might criticize my reaction to that initial night of sexile, since the blue scrunchie maneuver was something I might have given Peter reason to think was okay. (I hope to god Peter didn’t show that Chinese girl his “blue scrunchie maneuver” if you know what I mean, because what I mean is some kind of sex act).
So I’ve been sharing my room with this guy for a few months. Wanna know how that went? Dope as shit, man, dope as shit. Seriously, this guy is balls awesome, I’d definitely take his cock in my mouth in some mad respect fellatio. Seriously, if he was a chick, I’d superman that ho. Here’s why he’s the shit.
So for the last couple of months, I’ve had to share my room with another human being. Now, you may be wondering how that was. I’ll give you a hint: if it were great it would not be funny.
So… I have returned from behind the Great Firewall, a bit shorter and a bit more slanty-eyed, and with the distinct inability to pronounce words like “bus” and “campus” without inserting a mysterious “r” sound after the “u”. In China I learned many things, from how to properly use a car horn while driving (as a signal that there is something within 50 feet of the front of the car), to how to avoid getting hit by a child happily cannoning streams of urine into the street. Two months of endless diarrhea at the hands of Wuhan food, all of which contains loads of chili peppers, coupled with the inevitable circumstance that non-potable tap water would somehow end up in my stomach, have turned my rectum into the strongest muscle in my body, and lost me about 15 pounds. A week in Beijing renewed my appreciation for being able to see more than half a mile in any direction. Two months in Wuhan, where heat indexes routinely cleared 120 degrees Fahrenheit, renewed my appreciation for more temperate climes. Okay, that last bit’s not true at all, Pittsburgh weather is still comparable to diving into an olympic-sized pool full of mayonnaise-filled water balloons. I think the point of all this is, the Chinese are awful at English.
We meet our heroes, Lord Sir Joseph St. John MacJasper KGC, Captain RN of the HMS Unbelieveblydifficulttosinknoreally ( we don’t see the name till the boat pulls out later, it is written in a wide arc above the aft windows), and Midshipman Louis C. B. Smith Jonesington as they enter the aforementioned ship via a gang plank flanked by Marines.
Monday:
Today started off pretty well. I arrived before the break room was out of fresh coffee, and the manager even recognized my good work at the staff meeting. Then at some point after lunch we had the gremlin infestation. It’s hard to tell exactly when it started, or how they got in the building, but I have a funny feeling it has something to do with that mysterious old Chinese guy who set up shop right next to our offices.
