DONT TREAD ON ME

Fesus Christ

As the result of an alleged miracle, the likeness of Jesus Christ has been found in a pile of dog feces in the heart of the Vatican.

Read the full article

Twitter Launches Sister Site, “Shitter”

Twitter’s new side project, Shitter.com, recently went live. The new site was aimed for the “likes to microblog about pooping” demographic of Twitter users.

In a press release last Thursday, Twitter said Shitter “would be lucky” if “even two or three” users sign up over the next year.

Shitter has already secured advertising bids from Fiber One, Ex-Lax, and Pepto-Bismol.

Read the full article

An Open Letter to the Parent of a Former Customer

Dear Foul Wretched Spawn of Society,
I am truly sorry your precious snowflake did her absolute damnedest to be removed twice from our store by stealing, moving her lips and producing such a great wind as to knock over merchandise, and then refusing to place it back where it belongs, which I see you’ve taught her well.

Read the full article

Night Shift Collages

This is what happens when you leave convenience store clerks alone with a bunch of newspapers.

Perhaps the only article worth reading in the sports section.

Perhaps the only article worth reading in the sports section.

Read the full article

Why I Never Get Madlibs for Christmas Anymore

Twas the night before I IMPREGNATED YOUR MOM, and all through the BUTT,

Not a POOP was BARFING, not even a SCROTUM.

Read the full article

Clunkline at Two: A Retrospective

Since Clunkline has just entered its new glorious auspicious second phase of righteous harmony, known to non-party-members as Clunkline 2.0, we as the Clunkline staff feel it’s necessary at this juncture to issue a review of the past two years of Clunkline history.

Read the full article

PennDot? More like Poop Dot

Because we’re too classy to make a joke about PenisDot, we decided to compare Pennsylvania’s infrastructure to a nice, wet heap of dogshit.

Yeah, right. Where are you gonna see a road that nice in Pennsylvania?

That's more like it.

Read the full article

Poop Tarts

Titles of Works Which Can Be Interpreted As References To Poop, Pooping, Or Farting

Poop

WOFL

roflbot-00Mm

I posted this while pooping.

Dear Vendtastic001

I’m sending you this e-mail because I just bought ebay item number 190353755240 (“FAKE POOP, PARTY FAVORS, FUNNY GAG GIFT FAKE HUMAN POOP”) from you for the Buy it Now price of $4.99 and I just realized that your shipping price is $68 for standard FedEx ground shipping. Now, I’ve done some research and found that for a standard fake turd the largest weight I could find was 0.74 pounds. And in your description it says the turd is about 4″ long so there are no concerns of dimensions that would drive up the shipping costs. This leads me to believe there was a mistake on your part, possibly a typographical error. Please correct this for me so that I can go ahead and let Paypal send you my payment.

Thank you,
Richard Kaasman

Read the full article

An Interview with Translationparty.com

We at Clunkline love to network with our tubemates out there or the internet. It’s not easy to get an interview, though… Oftentimes those most important internetfolk are too awed by the glory of Clunkline or too resentful that soon they’ll be paying top dollar to advertise on our site in hopes of gleaning a few hits from this internet dynamo. However, every once in a while someone’s willing to swallow their pride and offer us a bit of time.

Read the full article

Why Not Us: My Time In the Senate with Al Franken

I have no idea who that guy in the middle is.

Editor’s Note: Today’s article was guest-written by Tanzmetall(719), an alternate instance of Tanzmetall who somehow managed to get elected to the United States Senate in 2008, defeating Arlen Specter. This is especially remarkable since, in 2008, Tanzmetall was much younger than the age limit, and Specter was not up for reelection.

July 19, 2009

Well! Just won election after an exhausting recount. I was about to lose my Pennsylvania Supreme Court appeal, but at the last second, I ran over and poked a cancer pustule on Specter’s face. Thus angered, he launched into a curse-filled tirade about how Pennsylvania voters are idiots and how much he hates America. By state law, the election results were voided. Woooo!

Read the full article

Tanzmetall’s Nouveau Stereotypes, Part I

Stereotypes are insulting and divisive. Of course, I have no problem with that. What I have a problem with, is that they insult the wrong people. When’s the last time you heard an epithet for Iowans? Well, if you finish reading this article, it will be five minutes from now.

Read the full article