I’ve already pointed out a few examples of situations in which Ronnie makes very bizarre logical errors, but there are plenty more available. They follow.
Roger was probably the most unfortunate of targets of Ronnie’s e-mails. Her e-mails to Roger were the most frequent and the least comprehensible, and they all addressed practical matters, so he had to actually translate them from “idiot” to English and then act on them. Combine this with the fact that Roger has less tolerance for stupidity than most in our company, and you got a very bad work relationship.
Dear Gina,
How we handle gas change is according.
If in the evening The Cashier has
to call me mealy then they have to change the prices
out side on the
pole.
The Ronnicles – Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
You read it here: I actually found some more Ronnie-content lying around! These were some post-it notes that she put on some applications that she had processed. Most of them are notes about how her phone calls to the various applicants went.
The pumps had a habit of leaking, and to this day refuse to print “reseats”. However, with Ronnie’s narrative voice, these problems seemed just a little more surreal.
Pump’s #1 #2 #7 and #8
Were linking This morning So We Put red Bags on them I Allso called Bob
Cornell To let him know
It wasn’t really Ronnie’s fault, at least not at first, that our store happened to be full of highly dysfunctional equipment. I’m pretty sure that there was never, and will never be, a time when nothing important was broken. Most of the time it just sat, but every once in a while Ronnie would try to do something about it. Here follow some of her e-mails regarding maintenance.
So… I guess this was probably inevitable. Though I have plenty of material, like Hillary Clinton and the gas tax holiday, I must continue to push my gimmick of The Ronnicles despite any claims that it might be worn out. So, I’ve posted this in .doc format before. So, you’ve already read it. Or have you? Making you download and open something might have stopped it from happening at all, so unavoidably I present to you Analyzing the Ronnicles as a multi-part series in nice, comfy browser-friendly HTML.
Today we bring you a taste of madness, a bit like the Ronnicles, but from the opposite direction. Rather than exhibit for your viewing pleasure a person whose reading moneys are grossly underfunded, we bring you a veritable plutocrat of words. I present for your scrutiny the works of Ken Warren, public librarian of Lakewood, Ohio, a Cleveland suburb.
This man spoke recently at my college. He is known by someone who knows a professor, who got him invited. This man is mad. What follows is a series of excerpts from a paper he presented to his lecture’s audience, some of which is available online.
As far as I can tell, she claims that both Tanzmetall and I allowed her to open up an account and start posting here as a writer. I know I never mentioned any such thing.
Tanzmetall, please… tell us you didn’t sign her on! I thought you said we had standards!
For your reading pleasure, I’ve analyzed some of the finer points of the Ronnicles and provided a lot of context and anecdote to help the reader enjoy the Ronnicles experience. I’ve compiled it into a word document, as it is too long for a Clunkline post, and would be a pain to format. You can acquire it here.
