The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
Yes, sadly it is the end of the Ronnicles. These are the last few examples of her illiteracy that I collected after she was gone in an effort to ensure that The Ronnicles was an exhaustive collection of everything she wrote to which I had access. It’s been great fun, and don’t forget to look for Analyzing the Ronnicles to be available soon.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
This is the second-to-last installment of The Ronnicles. As such, you would expect a suspenseful build to the climax of the series, right? Well, sorry to disappoint, but this one is just like any other Ronnicles entry. As with other write-up entries, a more legible, typed version follows each image.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
The next three installments of the Ronnicles will all feature write-ups as all or part of their presentations. Following the write-ups is a transliteration of each one, not because Ronnie’s handwriting was actually too bad, but because some of them are the second or third carbon copy of a three-part sheet, and are therefore hard to read.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
Ronnie claimed that her late-90s Cavalier got 60-70 miles per gallon. I would’ve called that claim spurious, but I was afraid that she might have tried to spell it.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
Shortly after the release of the final Ronnicles segment, be watching for the long and even more humorous piece Analyzing the Ronnicles where I give commentary and context to these e-mails to try (and succeed) to squeeze every last drop of humor out of them. It will be good time.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
An actual terminal point has been found for the Ronnicles: It will be a 15-part series. So, enjoy them while you can, because soon enough they’ll be a scarce resource.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
Any time Ronnie was working in the office, and she found something that was done incorrectly, she would say “I love you guys!” in exasperation, as if she had any reason to hold herself in higher regard than her cashiers. In reality every one of the cashiers in the store was more intelligent and more competent than Ronnie.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
Fun hint: For even more fun with the Ronnicles, get your operating system’s speech software to read it to you!
Gina,
Everthing was taken care of, The only problem that we are still having is
Reseats still are not printing & pump #1, #2 and #7 are leaking gas from
the base the hose & nasel only when you are pumping gas so the red bags
are on the pumps.
Ronnie #7
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
I remember when, before her disastrous tenure as manager, Ronnie wrote to explain her reason for refunding something “Button very senity.” I think it succinctly explained the problem.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
I remember fondly, or really not so fondly at all, one time when Ronnie came in and happily announced to be that she got “Eeeeee-bliviated” the night before. Is e-bliviation when you contract a virus through e-mail that destroys all your data? I didn’t ask. These e-mails don’t explain it either.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
First, an introduction to what will prove to be a long series indeed.
Ronnie was my manager at a gas station/convenience store, and I was her assistant. I am still there, she isn’t, and the reason for that will soon be evident. In my time with her, I had access to the comedic goldmine that her email “sent” folder became. Now that she can’t do anything to me over it should this be discovered, I present to you the Ronnicles, done in installments. Today, the one that started it all… the e-mail that spurred my decision to start keeping these gems.
