Am I the only one who thinks mannequins are sexy?


Oooh, baby, you're too hot for Milo. How about you dump that chump and become the Venus de Tanzmetall instead?

Seriously, I can’t be alone in this. I mean, I’m not crazy, I know they’re not actual women you can “do the deed with”, so to speak. But their breasts are always perfectly proportioned! And I just know that, if they weren’t made of hard plastic, they’d be just the right size to gently cup in my hand.

And, of course, if they were real, they would love me.

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Dear Mr. Bolivar,

The impressive empire that once was.
(Yellow only; grey indicates outlying areas)

I am writing to you as a representative of the people of Wales. I understand that you are very busy freeing South America from the tyrannical grip of a decadent Spain, but I sincerely hope you will have a chance to read my heartfelt appeal.

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Swing State Profiles: New Mexico


Why A Swinger?
New Mexicans demand gifts of pelts and hatchets to garner favor, and many candidates just don’t care that much.

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Señor Douchebaggington!

Of the Basque Douchebaggintons? Yes! It is you!

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Valentine’s Day Across the Globe: Tibet

Valentine’s Day comes to us from the steppes of Tibet around the 3rd millennium B.C.E. The Tibetans used it as a way of showing unconditional, universal love. When Irish explorer Sean Seamus O’McFitzFinnegan discovered Tibet in 1622, he wrote that the “wee slanty-eyed lads” who inhabited the plateau “actually liked each other, the leetle [sic] bastards.” He took Valentine’s Day back to Spain, under whose flag he sailed, where the Spanish decided they would start liking certain other people, one day a year. It was a stretch for any Spaniard, but the tradition stuck, and the holiday was named for O’McFitzFinnegan’s pet parakeet Valentine, the only other creature he could stare at without punching.

The following are selected Valentine’s Day cards from the place where love originates.

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