The story of the Terror Man began many years ago in a suburb not altogether unlike this one. You were sitting in your room (wait, what are you – ) when all of a sudden the TERROR MAN WAS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!!!!!!
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Previously on Battlestar Galactica, Chad failed to notice when the Forums he advertised on spawned their most popular thread making fun of him. Eventually, I grew tired of the novelty of being paid to mock my advertisers, so I went all out, posting a massive omnibus article that was half-rant, part-Photoshop desecration, part declaration of hostilities, and all anger. He still didn’t notice. Grabass_Champion’s recent expose did not go far enough in revealing McCain’s hidden loyalties. I will finish the job. I know it seems like John McCain doesn’t actually seem to be a terrorist, but behold! I have unveiled his secret plane-flying job. John McCain is Osama bin Laden. Now I’ll demonstrate how similar they sound using my wicked sweet counter-terrorism skills.
Yesterday, the USA FEAST Act was signed into law by President Bush, marking a milestone in the fight against Terrorism with a capital T. It plans to selectively limit Americans’ food intake, building on the foundation of the USA PATRIOT Acts, which remove civil liberties so that the government can better fight Terrorism by finding out who’s getting abortions. |
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