“What?! That’s not… NO. No, you can’t go on national TV and say that. You just can’t. You lying sack of shit,” spewed Derrick Watson of Bridgeville, PA, at the television this weekend. “GOD DAMMIT! Now you made me spill my fucking Coke! I’m gonna fucking kill you, first the lies and now the goddamn Coke!”
|
||||||||||||
I am an expert on terrible webcomics. About half our ads are for webcomics so abysmal, they make Minimum Security look like Calvin and Hobbes. I always browse through our Project Wonderful advertisers’ sites to see if I find any gems, which are exceptionally rare (see also: Grade D but Edible, Buttersafe). I’ve only found two webcomics I’ve really enjoyed among dozens that have bought our advertising. That says a lot about how many people simply do not belong in that business. Some of these unremarkable strips are solidly “pretty good”, but their potential is wasted by either a bad partnership or a lack of a badly-needed partnership; some are just in all ways conventional, been-done, and uninteresting. There is nothing memorable to distinguish 97% of all webcomics. Trust me: StudKickass is different. StudKickass is one of the most memorable strips I’ve ever seen… but I do not wish this experience even on my worst enemies. 28-year-old Bill Clement of Omaha, Nebraska claims to have had a “good one” earlier this week. “People have always told me to, y’know, ‘have a good one’,” Bill told reporters. “I guess I never really gave it much thought until recently.” He says he spent an afternoon doing “more or less nothing” and that said afternoon was indeed a “good one”. Guinness recordkeepers are pending comment as to whether or not this can be verified. So… I have a little coffee can full of coins from every corner of the Earth (truly a feat because the Earth is indeed spherical), and I’ve noticed an alarming trend. Tell me what you think coins from these countries/territories might have in common: Fiji
Bingo O’Malley is a reasonably big-name actor with an utter contempt for TV, a penchant for high-status characters, and a connection to my local theater group, Scotch ‘n’ Soda. He came and did an acting workshop once, and somehow I wound up challenging him to do some kind of improv scene and see who steals the show. Stupid idea, maybe. Until the then-Artistic Director of my improv troupe told me afterwards it was one of the best scenes I’d ever done. Personally I think I’ve done much better but it got good reviews from pretentious theater people, so hey, who am I to judge. (It’s also some of the only improv I’ve ever done that has been recorded, so… there you are.) Here, Grabass_Champion puts on his Social Commentary hat, and wishes to address a problem that is one of his paramount complaints about his society, all the while hoping to amuse you while he preaches. It worked for South Park, right? Being preachy but funny? Yeah. We’ll see. This is probably going to be heavy on the preachy part. TL;DR for the whole series: Kids of the generations that will enter the workforce during the next ten years are (in the majority) nihilistic, self-obsessed, pot-addled shits with little desire to understand anything about the world around them. They are this because of the media, and because they’ve been brought up by the people who came out of the cultural revolution of the 1960s. I’m very drunk, and I just watched an episode of “Lil’ Bush”. It was still terrible. How could a show suck so hard that even an intoxicated person wouldn’t be amused by it? Seriously. In fact, I spent some of that time thinking about how funny a name “Gareth Gobulcoque” would be, and I laughed waaaay more at that. FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH I CANT STAND YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER THAN YOU: The front-runner in the Democratic primary race, Barack H. Obama is certainly seen by many as a capable future leader and a respectable candidate, especially compared to his competitors Hillary Clinton and John McCain. However, recently on an interview for “Hardball” Obama admitted that he didn’t watch cable news.
Last time, I reviewed a pair of horrible online catalogs, but they had way too many hideously stupid items for sale for me to possibly cover in one update. Even today, I’m nowhere near done ripping Carol Wright a new one, but this update ought to bring us one step closer to, at the very least, giving her an enema. Since I’ve gone to all the trouble of getting on my rubber gloves and getting her to bend over, you only have to sit back in your comfort wedge and enjoy the show. Point: You don’t need to date people if you have enough images of them. You remember Neon Genisis Evengelion? The part where Shinji is holding his gay lover in his big mama-robot’s arms, and then his dad forces him to crush the guy? Dating is a lot like that. You don’t want to do it. You really just want to write a PERL script to pull your paramour’s pics off Facebook, autoscan them into MAYA, and built yourself a cyberhottie, or at least a 4D approximation thereof. Either way, its much better than leaving your screen, curled up atop your DEC Alpha that you set running SETI@Home so it would heat up your parent’s basement, to face the cruel, soul-tiring abandonment and hatred you might find just outside your door. Doctorpoint: You don’t need images if you have enough people. |
Entries feed:
Comments feed:
|
|||||||||||
Copyright © 2012 Clunkline - All Rights Reserved Powered by WordPress & the Atahualpa Theme by BytesForAll. Discuss on our WP Forum 199 queries. 0.510 seconds. View in: Mobile | Standard
|
||||||||||||
