Feb. 7, 2008, 15:29 by
Tanzmetall
 |
He is tryeing but he cant’
and it makes him sad |
Dear Mr. Brown,
Your teleplay does not meet the needs of the network at this time. House, M.D. has a full staff of writers. Furthermore, they are generally competent in crafting plots and/or grammatical sentences, which is more than I can say about you.
Your two-page, improperly-formatted manuscript is enclosed. My reader actually specifically requested that she be given permission to take a shit on it first, but I reviewed her employment papers and it was not in her job description. You have dodged a bullet, Mr. Brown.
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Feb. 7, 2008, 7:23 by
BurpenBecause it’s the one and only Metallica song worth listening to.
Before Metallica “sold out” (why did someone buy their crap anyway?) they must have somehow accidentally recorded this gem. “Gem” in the same sense that you might find a quarter in a mound of feces. By this I mean the rest of their music blows.
Some Kind of Monster Pile of Shit
TL;DR: ITA I explain why I despise Metallica’s music.
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Jan. 31, 2008, 0:07 by
The Surgeon General
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| Batarang returned to sender. |
As all of us know, the holiday season is a time for stress and violence. Going in for that perfect gift requires a sharp wit, the willingness to do harm, and shoddy, Batman-inspired weaponry. That’s why for Secret Santa this year, I opted to get (read: drunkenly stumbled upon) the perfect gift: a bat-a-rang. Some of you may remember Batman’s all-purpose throwing-dealy in the shape of a bat, others may be Canadian. In any event, an internet Boolean search for ‘generic novelty gift + super hero – gay porn’ yielded that admirable result. I quickly ordered my bat-a-rang from Blade Empire. With over twelve years in the business, surely they could suit my novelty weapon needs. But three days after ordering, this was what I received:
Your order is cancelled. We can’t ship to someone else’s house.
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Jan. 19, 2008, 22:58 by
FooTaySince the existence of both pizza and video games, mankind has been driven by an innate, underlying desire to consume as much of both as one safely can. Unfortunately, due to the number of limbs required to enjoy either of these pursuits, it has been thus far impossible for the average human beings to experience the two activities at the same time (See fig. 1).
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